Here at The Dingbat, we like to find humour in everything, even our very own news section. Here are some Ubyssey news headlines that were so good and so absurd that we wish we’d come up with them ourselves!
UBC proposes to cut question asking students their opinion on tuition increases in consultation revamp
This headline had me wondering, is this April Fool’s Day? Is this a cruel joke? Am I reading the spoof issue? This can’t possibly be a real life news report on a real life news event. But… it was.
There’s no public database of COVID-19 exposures on campus. One student filled the gap
I read this and thought, so I’m just gonna have to… hope for the best? And cross my fingers? Aren’t we literally in a global pandemic? We’re not being transparent? As if a student really said “Tuum Est” and filled this gap! As if UBC, a leading public research university, is uninterested in data collection on this critical matter!
The AMS created a committee on election engagement in April. It still hasn't met yet.
Going after the AMS again, huh Ubyssey? C’mon. Do better. But then I realized, maybe this is for… good reason?
UBC's frats made a promise to not host public parties. They broke it.
Going after the frats again, huh Ubyssey? C’mon. Aim higher. But then I realized, maybe this is all for… good reason?
Amid student support for recorded lectures, UBC says it will leave the decision up to profs
UBC isn’t taking into account the opinions of those who attend (and pay for) lectures? UBC doesn’t care what the people who attend said lectures think about how these lectures should look, sound and feel like? This headline definitely has a humorous twinge to it, even if it’s a little bit bitter...
UBC to relocate basketball court on site of proposed hydrogen fuel centre
This headline was only satirical to me because this headline is composed mostly of words I don’t understand: “hydrogen,” “fuel centre,” “relocate” and “basketball.”
So there you have it. When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. When university life and governance gives you I-could-not-have-made-this-up content, write frank, hard-hitting headlines. And hey, we thought we were the only ‘funny’ section, we’re not threatened by news trying to spread the spirit of humour. Those guys could stand to lighten up a bit, after all.