You just got an email from UBC Housing asking you to vacate.
Fuck.
You’ve been knee-deep in finding the best storage unit company for you, you’ve crammed all your packing in 12 hours — yes, those same 12 hours before you have to move out.
Your friends, their family, their family’s pets, and all surrounding sources in the area know you’re on the hunt for your next prey: affordable housing.
It’s a pretty shitty time of the year if you ask me, a student graduating in less than a month. As if adulting wasn’t hard enough, the imminent threat of not having a place to stay is sure to scare the fuck out of you. I mean, we all know Vancouver’s rental market it not fun to navigate.
Here’s a list of places to crash while you try to figure out the absolute mess that is housing. And if none of these appeal to you, maybe it’s time to get cracking on Craigslist.
Mercante
Okay, okay, hear me out. You have a constant supply of food (or scraps), your living quarters eternally smell like oven-fresh pizza and you live in the central hubbub of campus. Win, right?
What actually sells this place to me is the potential for community building in this locale. In the morning and afternoon, you have all of the student body around you — Wreck Beach enthusiasts and acting students are frequently spotted in these parts!
But more importantly, in the evening, you have a cozy community of critters to keep you company. Raccoons, I hear, lead very exciting lives. Definitely more exciting than yours currently is.
Your ex’s house
You know what would be the best way to exact reparations from a particularly shitty ex?
Reminding them that you’re better, outcompeting them for their house and then taking over their place. Girl, he didn’t bat an eye while giving you 200 therapy sessions worth of trauma, this is the least he can do.
Unlike me, if you’re actually friends (or more than friends) with your ex, this might genuinely be a way for them to do a kind thing. As someone once said, “do me a solid?” Except in this case, you may or may not also end up sleeping with them… but that’s your decision.
— Editor's Note: Shanai Tanwar is not responsible for the fucked up decisions you make and how you interpret her advice.
The Nest’s roof
Man, my favourite thing about living in Vancouver over the summer is the insane combination of good views, nice sunlight and a shit load of greenery.
You know where you get all of those things (AND the company of seagulls)? The roof of the Nest.
I mean sure, it might not be the place for someone with vertigo, but anyone who’s ever wanted to live in a tall-ish building might like it here. Heck, you might even develop a star-gazing habit, but also your living area would be eternally covered with bird shit.
Your best friend’s house
Remember your best friend, the one whose ass you’ve had to save countless times, whose hair you’ve had to hold back in The Pit’s bathrooms, the one who cried about another failed situationship?
Yeah, them. It’s about damn time they treated you like the best friend you are, and giving you a couch to crash on seems like a good place to start. Are you really best friends if you don’t have sitcom-style breakdowns on their sofa-cum-bed while crying at 9 a.m. before your first final?
So if Craigslist, Marketplace, Zillow or your countless other attempts to secure a new lease fail, your best friend might be a good one to practice the puppy eyes for.