For 105 years, The Ubyssey has been publishing silly little articles about food security protests and the student housing crisis, but where are the jokes?
Cut to: the blog section. The funniest, best, sexiest, greatest section of all Ubyssey sections.
It was created by [INSERT NAME HERE] in 2014 to rake in the views with TOP 10 LISTS and given to then-Opinion Editor Austen Erhardt. Despite being an organization(?) whose express purpose is covering what's happening at UBC, we don't actually have any record of who had the idea for blog.
The best I've got is this text from Ubyssey historian and last year's Opinion + Blog Editor Iman Janmohamed.
“from what i think/heard/speculation, it was the coordinating editor's idea to have a buzzfeedy section so austen did it.”
BREAKING: Edhardt has informed The Ubyssey that while he was the first opinion + blog editor, the blog was previously a side project run by then-Managing Editor, Web CJ Pentland. But Pentland didn't create it! I need to catch a bus in like five minutes so I'll leave the investigating to features.
In the years since our Buzzfeedbyssey days — and boy, oh boy, it’s been at least five — the focus of the blog shifted to publishing satire.
And to reflect our content — and for that one guy (me) who kept complaining about every blog article having “The Dingbat:” (our old humour subsection. Send pitches and completed pieces to blog@ubyssey.ca.) in front of its title — we split the blog and opinion sections to each have its own editor and changed the blog’s name to ‘humour.’
Something no blog + opinion editor besides Iman had the balls to do. And something no blog humour editor until me ever followed through on.
My five year plan has finally come to fruition
— Tristan Wheeler (@tbone_wheeler) July 7, 2023
Accordingly, I am also hereby changing the names of all the other sections for clarity:
News will henceforth be called “AMS WATCH” for obvious reasons ?.
Sports will be required to change its name to “woooo sports sports sports sports sports sports sports sports”
Opinion will now be “PR PACKAGE,” as it will need to be bought by a sponsor to pay for our legal fund after one of its hot takes lands us in a lawsuit.
Science will be called “GLAAARGH!” for reasons no mortal can truly comprehend.
Features will be called “we are doing actual longform journalism please someone notice please god please.”
Photos is too long so I’m shortening it to “pics.”
Visuals will become “what my eyeball looks at” because my eyeball looks at it.
Video will become the least cursed Ubyssey section (manifesting). Oops it's TikTok now. Too late.
And culture must stop publishing personal essays and focus on what really gets clicks: yoghurt and kombucha.
Yours, blogily humourly
Jocelyn Baker (I hardly know her)
Humour is The Ubyssey's humour section.