“if you love them enough, you’ll let them go.”
i never really understood that. because why would you make yourself unhappy like that?
i get it now.
i think i’d been in denial about it for a long time. i never wanted to admit but i’m the third wheel. i stand on the grass while they walk on the sidewalk. i stay silent while they go on tangents only they understand. i laugh at the inside joke i’m lost on to make us all feel comfortable. they’ll make plans in front of me and forget my invite. sorry, they say. it’s okay, i say, i’m busy. we both know we’re lying.
i can’t change their minds.
i’m third for a reason. because they are silver and gold. and to top the podium, i’d exile them to feel the longing i am trying so hard to escape.
so i won’t. i won’t put them down like that. i want them to be happy — more than i care about my own.
i love them enough to let them go. because everyone knows you outgrow a tricycle and upgrade for a bicycle.
might as well cut myself off before they do it.