Hookups can feel like a minefield of potential awkward situations — do you head home at 2 a.m., or stick around for breakfast in the morning? Were they staring deep into your eyes out of basic courtesy, or is it… true love? Is it weird to ask to borrow their deodorant?
While aren’t going to tell you how to handle these situations because they’re completely dependent on personal preference and context, here are some tips and tricks to guide you through it! When in doubt, remember the three C’s: consent, communication and compassion.
Asserting yourself
Consent is step one, and everything else follows. In practice, this isn’t always a clear binary between yes and no. It can include asking directly what your partner wants or doesn’t want, and providing options (e.g. “Do you want to watch another episode, or would it be alright if I kissed you?” and then DEMONSTRATING RESPECT FOR THEIR ANSWER). It also includes observing body language.
When it comes to hook-ups, sometimes people can feel obliged to give more than they really want. Remember that it’s not on you to feel guilty about setting boundaries. Getting tested for STIs is also a vital part of being a responsible hook-up partner. If it’s tough to ask someone, try offering up your own status to get them to reciprocate theirs.
Sex is also not the only destination for hook-ups. Although intercourse is often portrayed as the “end goal”, “hook-up” depends on your interpretation, whether that be a heated make-out session, PIV or whatever “going all the way” means for you.
Setting boundaries
To successfully pull off your hook-up, whether it be a one night stand or a long-term friends with benefits arrangement, it’s best to establish boundaries before things get hot and heavy.
Decide on anonymity. Do you share mutual, or even close, friends? Talk about this before getting steamy to ensure that neither person will kiss and tell if the other doesn’t want their escapades known.
Not cool with sleepovers? Let them know beforehand. It’s awkward, but what’s more awkward is being curled up on the edge of your bed, wishing you had your personal space back and dreading the inevitable morning wake-up.
How long is this going to last? Not everyone is looking for a love connection. Do some introspection to figure out what you want and state it early, and spare yourself the awkwardness of trying to shut it down the next time you see them at Blue Chip.
Respect the space
Sometimes you’ll go home with someone, and in order to get to their room, you’ll have to be introduced to their four roommates, roommates’ significant others and friends all sitting in the living room, knowing exactly what you’re there for. Try not to feel too weird about it.
Know that not everyone wants their roommates to know about their after-hours activities, so keep it quiet. Throwing out a condom? Wrap it up before you throw it out. Anyone else who uses the garbage can the next day will be glad they don’t have to see any remnants staring at them.
Don’t take it too seriously! Sometimes, getting caught up in the small details can make you overthink. Don’t be afraid to laugh off some of the awkwardness of getting caught in jeans or accidentally bumping teeth instead of lips. You don’t have to be a sex god — just try and embrace the moment.
This article is from Reclamation, The Ubyssey's 2023 sex and relationships issue. Read more personal essays from Reclamation here, and health and education articles here.