going clubbing//

Ten clubs you might have missed at AMS Clubs Fair

Here at the University of British Columbia, we strive to be niche and quirky in all that we do. Our only defense against the next 10 months of horrifying rain, our only saving grace amidst the impending midterm season which won’t end until finals begin, our only beacon in the night, our one chance at actually having something to share at our winter break reunions with our hometowns, our shot at getting those look-everyone-I-have-friends flicks for our term 1 recap Instagram photo dump…

I am speaking, of course, of joining a club.

UBC has a lot of clubs. Clubs for everyone, in fact. So here: I did RESEARCH. (If research involves reading club names and getting bored one word into the descriptions.) I can use AMSCLUBS.CA. (If using amsclubs.ca refers to scrolling at random until I find something funny-sounding.) I can cite my SOURCES. (If citing sources refers to literally not doing that.)

Here is a list of the most niche, most out there, most individual and not-like-other-girls clubs in the whole school because everyone deserves to have mandatory weekly-meeting-induced friendships.

AMS Ice Cream Club

Here’s the scoop: I am under the impression that they eat ice cream here. Here’s the double scoop: I’m adding this to the list so I can make ice cream puns. Get to joining, lickety-split! The cherry on top? This club actually sounds fun.

AMS Comedy Club

Haha! Ha! Ha!

Hear that? The sound of uncontained, full-body guffawing, goofing, hehe-ing and haha-ing! That, my friends, could be you! Join the AMS Comedy Club — the joke here is that I’m not joking. Please, it’s someone else’s turn to try to be funny. I’m running out of content. Really.

AMS Calisthenics and Body Improvement Club

For those of you who don’t know what calisthenics is, let me break it down.

In all seriousness though (I am always serious), calisthenics involves bodily improvement in a myriad of fashions — those dedicated to the craft have expressed their commitment to elevating their functionality.

Upon further research (I asked my friend who almost got an internship with Google... or Bing? I don’t know — two summers ago), “calisthenics” seems to be rooted in an overarching desire to “surpass the limits of humanity” and “ascend into a new age of physicality” (or at least that’s what my ex-Google-interviewee pal mumbled in between rantings about chronic unemployment and important discourses on the correct cheese-to-sauce ratio on pepperoni pizza).

Whether your specific improvement goals involve going full cyborg terminator robot, injecting yourself with a super serum and keeping those hazmat trucks on campus, or gradually replacing your limbs with better ones à la Frankenstein, this club most likely has a special place for you, your gadgets, your gizmos and your optimized biology!

AMS Cricket Club

Now, when I say niche, I mean niche. Prior to my research, I wasn’t aware that 4.7 per cent of UBC’s student body is actually composed of crickets. After a very real interview with UBC alumn Mr. Jiminy Cricket, I am much more attuned to the needs of the cricket population. To quote Cricket, “cheep cheep chirp, chirp cheep cheep" — and don’t I know it!

UBC Psychedelic Society

No joke here. I just thought you should know about it if you’re reading these articles.

UBC Brewing Club

Double, double, toil and trouble. Calling all the monsters! Calling all, calling all, calling all the monsters! This club can only, of course, refer to brewing potions. Bring your eye of newt, wing of bat, and best goth gf thick black eyeliner because this club is for the ghoulbosses.

UBC Toastmasters

Probably my favourite club out there! Join the Toastmasters every week to discuss riveting subjects such as the best butter-to-bread ratio, the most functional and fabulous models of toaster and the most crispable varieties of bread (my money is on sourdough, but they’re the experts). Rumour has it, if you say “Let’s get this bread” at their Clubs Fair booth, they’ll hand you a fresh slice of ciabatta.

UBC Cubing Club

The cubing club is taking the expression “be there or be square” to a whole new level, and let me tell you — I admire the commitment to the cube. This club either has something to do with Minecraft or something to do with trying to make yourself as cubic as possible. Either way, I’m down.

AI Club

You know what I always say — if there’s an AI robot uprising, you gotta be on the right side of it. So lo and behold, my personal endorsement of the AI club. Though only robots can join this club, I support this club on account of I want to be uploaded to the good part of the cloud when the time comes. Miss me on that dark web type stuff.

The Ubyssey

Please please please please please please, please.