Consider the following: Fitness and academia are two birds. The UBC campus is one stone. And you know what happens when two birds and one stone walk into a bar… No. Hold on.
Okay, my point is, why pay for a gym membership when you already pay tuition? Why waste your time working out in a boring ol’ smelly ol’ gym, when you can use the UBC campus as your very own exercise paradise? Here are our favourite unconventional spots to get your grind on and your gains in.
Main Mall
The students of Main Mall are just begging to be hurdled during the hustle and bustle of 12:50–1 p.m. There’s no better way to put your reflexes to the test than by hopping over unsuspecting classmates. Run away before they can confront you to get in some extra cardio.
I personally like to try this with friends and make it a competition. The hurdler collects points based on the height of the hurdled. I still have the record from that time BWALL walked by.
Buchanan D stairs
Turn the Buchanan D stairs from your biggest foe to your greatest friend by treating them like your own personal real-life Stairmaster. According to history and knowledge and stuff from Wikipedia, before the Stairmaster existed, people just walked up and down the stairs! So vintage! So retro! This #throwback workout is the perfect way to show others that you’re special, different, not like other gym bros and totally just born in the wrong generation, yo.
Martha Piper Plaza Fountain
Ahhh, the fountain. The closest thing UBC has to a beach. Can we fact-check that?
— Editor’s note: I’m allergic to facts.
Swimming laps in the real pool? Hard. Long. Lame. Swimming laps in the fountain? Peaceful. Cutesy. Tiny. Speedy. Add some fish fillets from the dining hall for a more realistic ocean experience.
Yellow Ponderosa thing
I don’t know what this is but it sure seems like a good place to start working on your calisthenics! Using your body weight, hang off of the thing and freakin’ flop your body about like a worm for an optimal strength training workout. But that’s just the obvious choice — real not-like-other-gymsters bring a jump rope up and start hopping on the slant. If you’re going to work out unconventionally, really commit to it.
East Mall in the fall
Everyone loves the East Mall wind tunnel. It’s like a celebrity photoshoot-style wind fan but aggressive and unforgiving. However, it’s great for parachute sprints! What does this mean, you might ask? I consulted UBC’s top fitness guy (my one friend who did a half marathon) to learn about this training exercise. Basically, you “stick a big parachute behind you and run against the wind all cartoon-clown-style.” If you get a big enough parachute, you can also practice flying, and there’s nothing better to get your blood pumping than propelling into the air in an uncontrollable direction as you scream for your life.
Engineering Cairn
Climb on up! Embrace your inner yogi or Sabrina Carpenter and hit an array of super cool poses so everyone on campus can be jealous of your total inner peace and outer stretchiness. You’ll have them answering the question “Have you ever tried this one?” with “No, but I’d like to give it a go!”
Open Kitchen
Have you ever tried plate spinning? It’s a killer forearm and finger workout and there’s no better place to give this a go than a classic UBC dining hall. As an added bonus, leave out a hat for tips and try to convince the first-years to give you their lunch money! It’s only illegal if you get caught, and everyone loves dinner and a show.
Greenheart tree walk
This is a special one! Though most people opt to walk on the constructed path, it would be a great workout to climb the outside of it like Spiderman. (Do not attempt unless you have been bitten by a radioactive creature within the last five years.)
Life Building
Parkour is an excellent full-body workout and the Life Building is an awesome place to put your skills to the test. I suggest starting off small — jump from table to table, avoiding key obstacles such as laptops and Subway footlongs. If something can be jumped on, do it! If something can be leaped on, frog it up! The limits of parkour only exist in your imagination. And remember, The Ubyssey is not liable for damages caused by your imagination.
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