The Dingbat: I'm an email in your inbox. This is my story

Tuition and student fees are due on—

Special announcement! The AMS will—

Hey! Stop cutting me off! What can I do to get your attention? Do I have to start opening these emails with a racy picture? Or pretending I’m someone else? What do you want from me? Would you read me if I was U of T? What about McGill?

You find it embarrassing to double text. To send an emoji or a cheeky ‘LOL’ after a serious sentiment. So, imagine me, sending email after email with so much content and receiving nothing in return.

You could reach out. That would be nice.

But instead, it’s always me trying to track you down and nothing ever changes. You’re not so busy that you can’t reply to an email. You’re always on your laptop, and I know you’re not writing out lecture notes.

Is there someone else?

It’s been four years and I can’t stop thinking about you. What did I do wrong? You used to be excited to get an email from me, back when you were young and in high school. “UBC emailed me!” You’d frantically yell to your friends, and they were excited for us.

They wanted this for us. You wanted this for us. You told your parents about us. They wanted my emails, too.

And then as soon as you were committed and sure I wasn’t going anywhere it was like I just stopped mattering to you.

Did I make myself too available to you? Am I too clingy? Was it all about the chase?

I don’t think we should be together anymore, and I’m glad you’re graduating soon. I don’t think I can handle seeing you around anymore or posting on Instagram and not responding to me. This isn’t good for my mental health.

So goodbye for now, but wherever you go, I’ll always be there for you… especially if you become super successful in the future, because, you know, alumni moola.


The UBC emails you never open.

The Dingbat is The Ubyssey's humour section. Submit pitches and completed pieces to