The Dingbat: UBC budget finally combats last tier of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs

UBC has begun its barrage on the smoking remains of the student psyche. Isabella Falsetti / The Ubyssey

Abraham Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs is a common measure of whether a person has their life together, and whether a person is psychologically whole

UBC has long been waging war against students’ psychological requirements, and with the recent revelations that UBC has been decreasing funds to combat food insecurity on campus, it has finally begun its final barrage on the smoking remains of the student psyche.

Physiological needs

It was only a matter of time until UBC rounded out the last tier of the pyramid. It has already killed shelter, with on-campus housing prices often exceeding the market. Drip (or clothing, for the swagless masses) is another resource that has been deferred to students, and vast swaths of the UBC community have comforted themselves with the knowledge that reproduction has never been part of the university experience. Sleep? Don’t make me laugh.

Safety needs

“Security” at UBC has always been a euphemism for “guys with shitty Reddit accounts who couldn’t even become cops,” so that’s off the table. We have health if that cough can wait a month. And sure, you can find employment at UBC, if you love taking notes for classes you aren’t in or want 10 hours a week moving one sheet of paper across a room.

Love and belonging

UBC has pushed its students harder every year in order to rise and inevitably fall in the world university rankings, alienating them from their peers and civil society in general.

Couple this with its installation of Weird Vibes Conductors (wifi) all over campus, and people have become increasingly withdrawn, self-involved and introverted, preferring the warm embrace of League of Legends, Twitter, WhatsApp, Facebook, MySpace or whatever other dumb bullshit you people are doing on your computer. Touch some grass guys, Jesus.

Esteem

This was only ever the case for people who came to UBC for the clout of attending the second best school in Canada: the delusional, the idiotic, the unambitious and the drunk. Once UBC introduced the Mandatory LinkedIn Profile Act of 2014, the veil was lifted on how exclusive this school (and its 52 per cent acceptance rate) actually was.