After the first semester, it seemed that I was late for everything. Assignments, exams, watching Stranger Things season four. But not anymore because this holiday break, I finally had time to catch up. And because of that I'll apply new term resolutions that I learned from Stranger Things’ main protagonist, Vecna.
Plan ahead
One thing that I admire about Vecna is that he’s a man with a plan. Sure, he may have only shown his face in the most recent season, but his presence was present for all of Stranger Things. An entire four seasons soon to be unnecessarily stretched into five… sound like a familiar timeline? That’s right, he was biding his time at “a place of mind” before taking over the world, just like us UBC students! #INSPIRATIONAL
Bone snapping
Vecna has an outstanding work ethic. When he murders someone, he doesn’t just murder. He crushes them.
Wait, wait, wait. Before you report me to the police, I want to clarify that I do not intend to murder any teenagers. What I intend to do is to apply this skill to my assignments.
MATH 101? CrUsHED. APBI 210? CRsUshEd.
Sure, my TA’s might be perplexed why my exams are shredded to pieces, but at least I can say I was just following the lead of Vecna, my favourite skinless fleshy land man-octopus.
Soft skills
Anyone will tell you that in the workplace, soft skills are just as important as hard skills. You know, stuff like teamwork, organization, and oh my goodness, what was that? Did you say ComMunIcATiOn? InTErDisciPlinARy? Just like Vecna!
Vecna is no doubt a storyteller and an extremely strong communicator. His long monologues about world domination left me more inspired than Meghan Markle’s hit Netflix series, Harry and Meghan. I’m sure I don’t need to explain, but that is saying a lot. (Although no one has explained to me who this Harry guy is. Seriously, who is he?)
What's more, Vecna’s 'hive mind' tentacles allow him to know everything going on in the system? Please. That is the definition of interdisciplinary. If only I had a hive mind like his — I could solve the world’s issues! Get out of the way David Suzuki, Vecna is my new climate idol.
Selfcare
Killing is hard work, but it’s honest work. And after a long day of murdering teens, Vecna knows how to take breaks. All those menacing camera shots of him hanging from his weblike tentacles were not made to build tension in the series. Noooo. No, no, no. They were simply wholesome selfcare montages… think, a fictional, monster-themed version of every Queer Eye episode.
So I shall do the same – after I spend a tough day as an land and food systems student looking at plants and writing satire articles that ensure no one will take me seriously ever again, I aspire to dedicate a little me time to myself. I will get that main character moment! I will meditate in a web of ropes and tentacles via the UBC Aviary! I will become the UBC Wellness Centre’s new poster child!
And maybe, just maybe, with all these steps I can succeed in my goals of world domination.
The Dingbat is The Ubyssey's humour section. Send pitches and completed pieces to blog@ubyssey.ca.