Ok yeah, I know Halloweekend was a while back, but it’s never too early to start planning for next year.
Coming to The Ubyssey for your Halloween costume is like shopping for Christmas presents at the UBC bookstore but the school pride is admirable, albeit lame.
So, here is your guide to a hyperlocal Halloween costume to enhance that T-Bird pride (and will make you the coolest and spookiest guy around, this time next year)!
Frat guy in the wild
A classic twist on maybe a basic costume; but you’re not just any frat boy. You're taking the frat boy out of the frat. Channel frat boy studying in IKB, frat boy shopping for shoes and sending his mom a cheeky pic of his toe rash for advice on what to do. For a bold take assume the role of frat boy chanting and screaming his bloody guts out to people trying to walk to class outside the Nest.
This one is analogous to an angel costume. Get your head out of the gutter. No sexy low cut tops or sexy blue light glasses or sexy loafers. Redefine sexy next year as a UBC librarian — the saints that put up with all of your crap and noise. They have already told you to shut up, they have already told you to stop eating, but they still allow you to be here. Pay them a nod with your costume, and for the love of God, put away your sandwich.
Neo Financial booth
Get on your preppiest face and persistent attitude and don’t let anyone slip away from you on Halloweekend! For goodness sake! You're already getting into character by prepping for halloween 11 months early! You like that cute boy in your class? You want to invite him to your friend’s neighbour’s boyfriend’s Halloween party? Embody Neo Financial and ask them to come, then ask them again when they say ‘no,’ and one more time just to be sure. In fact, do not stop following them until they say anything but ‘no,’ and you might just have yourself a date — or the universal disdain of the UBC student body.
Careful! You might just make this your whole personality. Oh wait, that’s it. That’s the costume. That’s all I’ve got. Maybe I'll think of something else by the time October 2023 comes around.
Honourable mention: The black mold festering in my student house. Embrace the toxicity, baby.
The Dingbat is The Ubyssey's humour section. Send pitches and completed pieces to email@example.com.