It’s time to leave behind archaic ideas from that SOCI 101 class you took in first year. The patriarchal academic tradition — nay, ‘the man’s’ patriarchal academic tradition — has spent too long delving into failing schools of thought like poststructuralism and postmodernism, which I can say freely and confidently (without explaining my critique at all), based on the strength my economics degree.
Step back Queer theory, it is time for the new radical feminist framework of post-manism, or womanism (we’re trying to get people to start decentring the man in all of this).
Defined in non-academic jargon, the future is, in fact, female.
Post-manism is not an ideology — it is a state of mind. It is what has made everyone on campus absolutely and utterly obsessed with me and unable to get over the force of nature that is me. One time, I started passionately defending Sherry Sandburger, who was never given enough attention in the public eye. Everyone took a step back and watched me in awe.
To all the women who believe wholeheartedly that feminism is about how women can do no wrong and have been violently attacked by men for making such assertions, I hear you, and post-manism hears you. All you need to know is that you are correct. Women can do no wrong. We left all our wrong behind in the manism period.
I asked prominent post-manism scholar, Agatha Jill Drollins, in the middle of our face mask self-care session, where her seminal ideas emerged from. “I was scrolling through PikPok, and saw all these women challenging their Swinder dates about why they were following other women on social media, and audaciously liking their pictures. I had an epiphany. These women are asking the most pertinent questions of our time.
What’s more important,” Jill Drollins continued, “is that these ideas emerge from the public — the subaltern white woman in her twenties living in an urban centre and thus outside the manist shackles of academia.”
Fuck cisheteropatriarchal academia.
Post-manism allows us to speak out against the oppressive existence of men in all our spaces. It allows us to be critical about others without having to be cognizant of who they are by helping us prioritize our own needs above everyone else’s. Where other post-whatever theories have failed, in being too complex on paper and failing in practice, post-manism takes up the (wo)mantle and shines.
“The future is postman,” stated Jill Drollins emphatically from behind the slices of cucumber on her eyes.
“And the future will deliver,” I replied. `
Girlbossmopolitan is The Ubyssey's annual spoof issue. While nothing in here is factual, it is all slaytastic. To read more Girlbossmopolitan, click here!