The Ubyssey’s foolproof study guide (no whimsy, we promise)

As everyone knows, finals season sucks massively and is liable to induce psychotic episodes in people. Since this is an intrinsic fact of life we can do nothing about, the only thing we can do is manage it. Therefore, we present to you, free of charge, the gold standard in study guides.

Pattern your week after this step-by-step walkthrough, and the world will be your study oyster! Wet and clammy.


Monday is flashcard day.

First, finish class. Walk to somewhere where you can work in solitude (the Koerner first floor bathroom is a great choice, but don’t tell anyone). Now, it’s studying time. Pick what you need to work on most — really fix it in your mind. Then, go make yourself some flashcards.

Keep doing this for 25 minutes. Then, take a break for 5 minutes. Do whatever you want over this break. I watched the trailer for Wonka. seems like it’s gonna be a pretty neat movie.

Keep making flashcards and taking breaks, 25, 5, 25, 5, until you think you have some good flashcards written out for all the concepts you’re going to need to know. Using a lot of coloured pens can be helpful.


All right, it’s time for us to review what we learned yesterday. Make sure you’ve set yourself up for success first. Get a good healthy breakfast, lunch, etc., in, and do some stretching.

Take some deep breaths once you get to your calming study space. Then, get out all your flashcards and give them a good once-over. Push down any unsettling thoughts you may have — this isn’t the time for them.

The Wonka trailer is so good.


It’s Wednesday already, look at that! You’ve got this! Look over what you’ve got so far. Make sure you haven’t missed any review material. Maybe watch the Wonka trailer, that’s always a good pick-me-up.

Your professor has most likely posted some sort of study guide on Canvas. Give that a good once-over if you haven’t already. Just in case you’ve missed something, a tiny little thing in the overwhelming pile that could be the thing to sink your GPA once and for all.

Let’s be realistic — you’re in a rut at this point. Everyone gets into a rut at this point. But I’ve got just the thing: the Wonka trailer! It’ll cure what ails you, my friend!


Do work. Yeah, real exciting, I guess.

Look, I’m sorry, I can’t muster up the happy-go-lucky act at the moment. See, the problem is Slugworth. That dastardly chocolatier haunts my thoughts. How dare he, I ask you? How dare he oppose the holy construction of these delicious sweets? The gall! The audacity! How can one focus on work at a time like this, when such mountebanks can run roughshod over good and decent people?!


By Friday you should feel the dread building inside you. The all-encompassing fear: You’re not good enough. You’re not going to meet the expectations this cruel world has set on you. You know who else sometimes felt like they couldn't succeed...


Watch the Wonka trailer until the feeling goes away. Don’t pause. Set it to half speed if you need to in order to take in every masterful storytelling flourish. Let it flow through you, the sole ray of hope in this cold, cold, world.

Trust me.


Work? You think work matters? All these meaningless words, numbers? You’re wasting your life!

Drop out of college! Make chocolate! Create whimsy!

Chocolate and whimsy. That’s all that matters anymore, understand? Stop working, start wonking.




Hello, my friends! You’ve had quite the long journey, haven’t you? Well, here you can finally rest! Welcome to my beautiful factory! Come in, come in — I have such wonderful treats to show you!