New Year’s May resolutions

It’s a brand new year! And you know what that means: New Year's resolutions! Self-improvement! Wait. Hold on. It’s already May? That can’t be right. Whatever. This is gonna be your year, just like it’s been mine! Screw the cynics who say you’ll abandon your resolutions after a week or that it’s already May and it’s “way too late — are you alright in the head, you peanut-eating fuck.”

They just haven’t considered the fact that they’re wrong. If you’re smart and sustainable, it’s totally possible to stick to your resolutions through the entire year. Here’s how I did it.

The new year May is a time to do what really feeds your soul, right? My soul, as it happens was hungry for six ELEC courses and their associated labs. Sustainably, of course. So I followed my dreams! I went to the SSC and stuffed my schedule full of courses like it was the Swing Space stairs at 2:51 p.m. I’m absolutely thriving.

Some people might say they don’t have time for stuff like that. But you have plenty of time, you just need to prioritize what really matters to you. Namely, ELEC labs. Don’t you want a job? Don’t you want to punch the same formulae into a calculator dozens upon dozens of dozens of times every single day forever? I know I do!

Nobody said following your New Year's summertime resolutions would be easy. I haven’t actually seen the light of day in a couple weeks now. I’ve taken up residence in the ELEC building — it’s more efficient for your grind if you never leave. Work, sleep, work, sleep, work, work, work, work, work, this is the life! Anyone who disagrees is lying to themself.

I’ll admit it has been a lot of work. But its was a new year! Never give up. That’s right, never!

You think Sisyphus gave up? No. This is the hill I will die on, except I won’t because I will keep pushing that boulder up the hill (another one of my resolutions).

I don’t know why everyone complains about school being difficult. I think they just aren’t trying to be productive; not applying themselves. They should try not sleeping. A small sacrifice to make for productivity. I haven’t slept in three months and the gnomes keep telling me I’m killing it, and they’re never wrong.

So next time someone tells you your on-time (in every way but literally) resolutions are unrealistic, just point them to me! Enough spit, polish, elbow grease, caffeine and dogged adherence to a deranged list of stipulations and you can accomplish anything you set your mind to!

Anyway, I gotta go. I have about thirty seconds before I need to get back to work, and I have to somehow squeeze in a bathroom break. Happy New Year!