Breaking: Professor wins Nobel Peace Prize after cancelling class on snow day

An anonymous UBC professor won the 2024 Nobel Peace Prize after cancelling their snow day classes instead of moving to online meeting platform, Zoom, colloquially known as the most insufferable method of lecture delivery, like, ever.

The professor, described as “a gift to all” and “an actual good person” has been known to care about “student wellbeing, health and ability to frolic in the snow.”

When asked, this professor cited their good luck as a product of the “caring vibes they project into the universe.” The anonymous winner even went as far as to say “snow days are for hot chocolate, not listening to the poli sci asshole in your seminar play devil’s advocate.”

Apparently, this UBC professor also won a free car, free groceries for a year and the BC Legislature voted to pay their rent indefinitely. Off the record, we heard the professor has discovered the fountain of youth and found the end of a rainbow just yesterday.

But other professors haven’t been as happy about their now-laureate colleague. Dr. Mick McMickelson, who teaches eating dirt at the 200 level, said he thinks students should shut up and get on Zoom.

“What am I supposed to do with my time while everyone’s frolicking in the snow? Write papers? What does that even mean?” asked McMickelson.

Some students (my roommate) have even said they don’t want class cancelled because tuition is “expensive” and they have “seasonal affective disorder” and the routine is “helpful” or whatever.

Too bad. I wanna build a snowman.

More on this hot (or not, I guess) story to come as it develops.

In the wise words of Thunder the Thunderbird, “snow day means snow class and snow problems!”