Places to pass out on campus

If you’ve ever seen me unconsciously sprawled across a main-floor couch inside IKB for over an hour … no you have not. Wasn’t me. Nope. Never.

Constantly passed-out between, and admittedly, during, classes, I am quite possibly the Almighty Silicon-Valley CEO of Exhaustion — a student with an hour-and-a-half long commute, working 25+ hours a week on top of classes (if this is relatable to you, I’m so sorry). As a result, I often find myself waking up to the delightful feeling of having lost hours of my day to naps I never intend to take. You know, that disorienting haze of waking up at 6 p.m., after sitting down at 3 p.m. to “catch up on some reading.”

In an attempt to render my napping habit useful to the public — so that I can pretend I’m doing something other than wasting limited and valuable study time with my consistent anemia-induced drifting — here are some of my go-to napping spots for all you poor, sleep-deprived souls out there.

1. ‘Harry Potter room’ chairs

The Ridington Room chairs offer an ideal napping situation. Primarily, they’re located in a low-traffic, silent study room. Not only this, they face the window, hiding your slumbering self from the eyes of judgemental onlookers. If you’re looking for a longer afternoon nap, and are willing to put up with the subtly repulsive stench of years of sweat accumulating on the worn vinyl — not gonna lie, my jacket still smells like someone else’s B.O. — this spot is for you.

Nap duration: 45 minutes

Rating: A

2. Mercante couch

What. A. Nap (Please read this in Sophie from Mamma Mia’s voice). The Mercante couch offers a nap unparalleled in comfort. Drown out the general pizza-induced, excited buzz of UBC students with a chill lo-fi playlist, and kick back for a nap that won’t leave you with the dreaded neck-kink so common for impromptu snoozes. Fair warning: this is a limited space…so I wouldn’t count on it being free in your most desperate time of need. Think of this couch like the Fun Aunt — great when she’s around, but don’t call her if you need someone dependable, she’s often out of town.

Nap duration: 10 minutes but could have been longer. I set an alarm.

Rating: A

3. Buchanan A, Stir it Up Cafe benches

If you’re looking for a quiet, moderately comfortable place to nap, this spot is for you. This little corner of campus is less busy, making it feel substantially safer than passing out in the middle of the Nest. Unfortunately, the neck pain was sizable, and the padding of the bench left some cushion to be desired. Overall, not a terrible location to pass out if you have a class in the area. This is a nap I’ve napped many times over, and like some sort of mold, it grows on you.

Nap duration: 15 minutes

Rating: B

4. IKB Floor 1 and 2 couches

Heed my warning: once you train yourself to nap inside IKB instead of study, you find yourself with a lot of incomplete assignments that can stay unfinished, because you’ll finish them later, and the couch is right there, and you’re so tired, and it looks so comfy, and…

Floor 1: Though the foot traffic through the main floor of IKB is heavy, the noise levels are undesirable, and it was remarkably cold, I managed to have an exceptional nap.

Floor 2: I took a nap here at ~10 p.m., before I commuted the hour and half home. I have no complaints, besides the fact that I had to leave, and didn’t have a blanket.

Nap duration: 20ish minutes

Rating: B+

5. Orchard Commons grass hillside

You don’t want to nap here right now, because of the whole rain thing (I love you, Vancouver). But, when the clouds do eventually decide to part, I recommend you stretch out on this lovely patch of grass. The aesthetic of this nap was great — but, in my tank top and thin (may I add, white) cardigan, this spot made for a less-than-ideal nap. The sky was a stunning blue and I got to gaze up at beautiful OC, in all its hotel-like glory, and fantasize about living there — I just couldn’t possibly sleep for longer than 7 minutes without contracting frostbite. Good concept. Poor execution. The grass stains won’t come out. This is a nap with potential — I will revisit her in late spring, with a better jacket.

Nap duration: Not long enough

Rating: C, but the prof gives you constructive criticism to help you get a better grade next time