How to prepare for the third fire alarm of the day if you’re in the Nest

If you weren’t around to hear the annoying fire alarms that went off in the Nest today, count yourself lucky. The blaring noise has broken my eardrums, but it did get me out of about an hour of work and gave me the time to get a Booster Juice smoothie and Rain or Shine ice cream.

But just in case the fire alarm decides to go off again today, here’s a fool-proof plan to get you through the rest of your day:

Step One: Organize your first-year dorm flashbacks. I fondly remember the nights of having to get out of my bed at 4 a.m. in Salish because the fourth floor was partying a bit too hard. Fondly. Yes. That’s how I remember those nights. Fondly. But you don’t want those treasured memories keeping you occupied when you’re running for your life down the stairs. That’s the real danger — not the fire that is definitely, for sure real.

Step Two: Just don’t do your work at all, all day. We’re all students, but if we’re being interrupted, you’re going to lose momentum and that’s just bad planning on your part. Study smart!

Step Three: Call and make friends with the campus firemen. They’re nice people and really just want to be loved by the students they protect. Jay is my favourite. Hi Jay.

Bonus: you can practice your fire truck sounds. Weeeeeeoooooo! Wooooooop wooooooop? What do fire trucks sound like?

Step Four: Prepare for your fire alarm meal. It was Starbucks for the first, Rain or Shine for the second. But where will we go for the third? This is what keeps me up at night. Well, that and the blaring alarm.

Step Five: Maybe just don’t go to class? We never know when the fire alarms will spread. Your classes outside the Nest could still be affected by alarms. Better safe than sorry — that’s what my mom always said and I’m sure it’s 100 per cent what she meant.

Step Six: Ask AMS President, Alan Ehrenholz if he’s okay. We can’t prove it, but The Ubyssey has reason to think he’s the one pulling the alarms. Alan, we get it, you just want out at this point, but maybe fire alarms isn’t the best way? Only two more months, right?