Girlbossmopolitan: Whoreification 101: The best places for a campus quickie

Controversy has been surrounding the new University of Bitchin’ Clock course, WHOR 101: Critical Studies in Whoreification. But we at Girlbossmopolitan think this class is the shit! Why wouldn't you want an insider's guide to the best places on campus to get it on?

Ewrecked Beach

Sex on the beach may be as romantic as it gets, but getting a little more than just sand in your pants at these beaches is not for the weak-willed. Between the high-traffic areas and descent into hell-esque stairs, the yeast infection you risk by getting down and dirty in the sand is the least of your worries. My advice? Settle for the stairs instead.

Third floor lounge, Hoerner Library

Large square couches? Secluded by fireplaces? Basically a maze? Let’s just say the books aren’t the only thing being checked out on this level.

Lower Level stacks, Hoerner Library

An oldy and a goody, the stacks are full of lots of tight corners and places to hide, perfect for a little getaway — and we aren’t talking about reading travel guides. We’re sure some of you are set for a trip below the border of someone else’s pants.

Hoe-nerable mentions

Campus tunnels

Although it’s a little vanilla, this method is tried and true. The campus tunnels are perfectly secluded and just dark enough not to get caught — just make sure you don’t end up with a bat in your attic. Clear out those cobwebs and stuff that mineshaft, my friends!

Santa's office

You shouldn’t leave school without doing it on a desk at least once, and if you’ve got balls, give Santa’s office a try. Cut loose a little — the view must be fantastic!

So dust off your books and enrol in WHOR 101! This class gives a whole new meaning to Tuum Est — hell, it’s yours! Have your cake and eat someone else’s, too.

Girlbossmopolitan is The Ubyssey's annual spoof issue. While nothing in here is factual, it is all slaytastic. To read more Girlbossmopolitan, click here!