1. Two words: paper mâché. Rip up that paper with all your pent-up resentment against it and put it to actual use with DIY crafts, then write a blog piece about it in The Who?byssey.
2. When you see someone you hate, grab your nearest copy of The Who?byssey, open it up, scream and run at that person. They will start crying immediately.
3. Down to the same three shirts and too broke to go shopping? Wear The Who?byssey. You could be a trendsetter and the Culture section might write a piece about it.
4. Play paper dancing — an all ages, fun party game for when all the fun has been drained out of your life because you write for The Who?byssey.
5. Write blackout poetry. The Who?byssey’s words are useless in any case, so create your own art.
6. Use them to make protest signs for sustainability because they’re spending so much money on printing hundreds of copies that no one reads.
7. Create a feature wall with all the Features pieces you never read in your sibling’s room to show how much you hate them.
8. Cut out all the names of the editorial and put it on a dart board.
9. Use it as a makeshift umbrella for the rainy days.
10. Roll it up and hit your head cause you’re 22 and don’t have a job and are knee-deep in student loans and are reading this current issue of The Who?byssey. What are you even doing with your life?