February at UBC seems most aptly summed up in a single word: temptation. There’s the obvious high-key scouting for a Valentine’s Day date, but there are quite a few subtler allures.
Should you buy those post-Valentine’s clearance price chocolates? Surely you can splurge on an online midterm study guide, right? Can you dare trust the sunny forecast despite the fact that the Weather Channel is acting about as committed as a 2 a.m. Tinder match?
If you’re looking for some guaranteed goodness to help balance out all these risks, The Ubyssey has the perfect publication for you: our annual Sex Issue! Packed with candid conversation and practical advice, the Sex Issue helps give a variety of personal perspectives on sex education because it’s your classmates talking about sex, not a poster in IKB.
Check it out!
“Dear Pawan,
This is awkward but how do I tell my boyfriend what I want in bed? Just say, ‘Yo bro, choke me a bit?’ Or like ‘I want to touch your butt more?’ I'm great at communication, as you can see.”
While our high school health classes may have taught us that communication in relationships, especially romantic ones, is important, the idea persists that talking about sex, specifically about sexual preferences, is something that is very taboo. Shouldn’t the other person/people just know?
Leaving sexual preferences as a grey area in a romantic relationship can be unsatisfying at best or potentially dangerous at worst, depending on what someone is or isn’t into. In your case, it seems like you’ve pinned some kinks that you want to introduce to your relationship, but it’s the matter of bringing up the subject that is giving you trouble.
When it comes to talking about anything of a sexual nature, I advise bringing it up in a neutral, non-sexual situation where you’re ensuring you’re able to get the point across of both preferences and boundaries.
It’s also important to take their opinion into account, both in terms of what they prefer as well as what they’re comfortable doing. Pressuring someone into experimentation has potential for both mental and physical pain, so try to keep your discussion flowing both ways.
Finally, if you’re uncomfortable with something your partner’s expressed interest in trying, that’s something that needs to be discussed ASAP, because that lack of cohesion could lead to bad experiences for everyone involved. Consent goes far beyond someone confirming that they want to have sex because, while sex can be a scientifically defined process, there remains a thousand attributes to what sex and sexual interaction means to any particular person.
These characteristics aren’t only that they want their partner to do one thing or another, but also that they have their own limits to what they’re willing to do in turn. While a person might be fine with pulling their partner’s hair, they might not be okay with choking them, and that’s something that, if talked about in a neutral and honest manner, can result in a high level of trust that keeps consent and mutual benefit at the forefront of any intimate interaction.
Need advice? Email in your questions anonymously to advice@ubyssey.ca or submit them through our website at ubyssey.ca/advice.