Oh-No’s budget tips for sessional instructors

Being ruthlessly ground by the machine of higher education’s contract-teaching fetish amid decades of neoliberal education cuts is no fun. But don’t fret! Aside from your Fiverr gig as a wealthy aristocrat’s footstool, there are a number of ways you can save an extra couple bucks on the side. Hey, pretty soon you might have enough for a two-zone transit pass!

Pasta stir sticks and ketchup make a healthful meal

While everyone loves a good spaghetti dinner, pasta and tomato sauce are simply a luxury that not everyone can afford! Our campus cafes and eateries are full of free ingredients to make a bolognese that would make any Italian Nonna say, “Mangia!”

Pass a hat around after lectures

It works for street magicians and lord knows they’re making more money than you. Hell, their parents might actually respect their career choices. Ask students at the end of the lecture if they learned anything today and what knowledge is worth to them (suggest that it’s worth around $5).

Plug your Patreon

Lifelong research just not cutting it? Find an angry group of conservative-leaning young men and pander, pander, pander!

Take advantage of the new ARC recreational space to shower

We created a new showering facility so you don’t need to install one in your car!

Work for an exam cheating service for your own course

Ethics and moral principle fly out the window in the funnest way when you’re strapped for cash. Imagine how invaluable you’ll be to the students of your course when you shamefully hand over the answer to the only thing that you’ve ever loved.

Write a Medium post defending “campus free speech” and get a perpetual column in the Globe and Mail

The only way 90 per cent of the male population over 40 can get hard is if they hear about the “PC hellscapes” of university campuses. That’s a big, sweaty audience, so find your own “novel” take and start writing!