I’ve long heard tell of an art gallery in the Almonds Matter Society Nest – a place of student creation in an otherwise dreary campus.
Imagine my dismay then, to wander into The Gal’Her’y with hopes high only to have them dashed by a massive drinks line and a confusing array of seating options. I am all for mixing high-concept, immersive, hyper-realist performance art installations, but to call this place an “art gallery” is a stretch.
Now a review of the very few pieces on display that are of any decent quality. These works also did not have title plaques — very avant garde — thus I named them below in accordance with my experience of the pieces.
Broken glass scattered beside coffee table, ignored
Dimmadome is a third-year major in drinking and talking about DuBois (the boys).
“Yeah, someone should probably clean that up. We were playing spin the bottle, but like not to kiss each other. It was more a spin the bottle, drink the stuff in the bottle kind of thing. If the bottle lands on you, you drink. If it doesn’t land on you, you drink,” said Dimmadome.
“Anyways, get this, we were spinning the bottle on this coffee table thing, and I tried to pick up the bottle after it spun, you know, to drink it. But instead of picking it up, I knocked it onto the floor and it broke. We just thought we’d keep drinking though.”
With every passing second, the spilled lager seeps deeper into the hardwood floor beneath it. The piece speaks to the societal urge to melt into a big puddle (wicked witchcore). And the human urge to get smashed.
Karaoke: The talentless sing to a captive audience
Chanterelle is a second-year major in pissing me off and waiting for a friend’s performance to end.
“I like the classics. Pop music these days is just so dry — they just don’t make music like they used to. Anyways, my go-to songs are ‘Friday,’ ‘Bad Blood,’ ‘Firework’ and ‘Enter Sandman.’ But yeah, we come out here every Thursday unless it’s exam season, Arbor day, a new lunar month, the Westminster dog show, October, Victoria Day (RIP to a real one), leg day or the first Thursday after Mother’s Day. It’s nice to let loose every once in a while, you know — show off your wild si— WOO REIGHLEEE! QUEEEEN! Anyways, what were you asking?”
The singing is not good, but why should it be? It’s probably some important commentary on the human condition, I guess.
Closing remarks
The Gal’Her’y demonstrably fails to present anything worthy of praise. The performance art therein is tired, repetitive and devoid of meaning. My visit left me with no choice but to drink my disappointment away at the bar. At least their lager is cheap.
This is part of The Ubyssey's 2023 spoof issue, explain!. To read more, click here.