Dear Diary,
It’s been three weeks since classes began. The dining hall hasn’t become any easier.
Sure, I’m luckier than most. I came here with my best friend and my boyfriend — a massive coincidence and one that I am grateful for every day. Yet the loneliness hasn’t disappeared. He just won’t speak to me. My friend, I mean. He was supposed to be in the building right next to mine, I saw his name on the Place Vanier WhatsApp group. But it’s gone now.
Did he switch because of me?
I tell myself, “I’m not looking for him.” But I know I am.
My eyes flit across the crowded tables at Gather, no one here that I can truly call my friend.
I say, “I’m just looking for an empty spot to sit.” But I know I’m hoping he’s here. He isn’t.
Well, tomorrow’s another day. Maybe I’ll see him then.
Dear Diary,
It can’t be that easy to throw away six years of friendship, can it?
It was a terrible argument, but shouldn’t we have made up by now? I mean, we’re in the same university after all, halfway across the world. And who knows him better than I do?
There’s a joke between us: we’ll fight without fail just before my birthday and make up a few weeks later just in time for his. He owes me six years orth of birthday gifts. If he won’t talk to me or even show up, then how is he supposed to make up for it?
You know what? I don’t care where he is. With his new friends that appear on his Instagram stories every other day, I don’t care. It’s not like I’m keeping tabs (I am).
Everyone’s so cold though; I would’ve had an entire friend group by now, but so many people formed theirs during Jump Start.
Okay, my task for the next week: talk to new people. If he can do it, I can too.
Dear Diary,
I saw him today! He was standing near Pacific Poke while I paid for my Subway. I made sure he saw me roll my eyes and look away. I always apologize. But this time, I won’t cave.
Who am I kidding? I know I will. I just can’t bring myself to say anything, not after all this weird space between us.
Say anything. I’ll forgive you.
Dear Diary,
I turned around at the frat last night and he was right there — he didn’t even bother to dress up for Halloween. But he texted me! This morning!
He said he doesn’t want anything from me, he just wants me to know that he’s so so sorry for how things went down between us. So of course I said that there was nothing to apologize for and it’s all okay.
Yes, let’s meet at Sauder and put this behind us.
Until next year, obviously.
I’m kidding. Never again.
Dear Diary,
We met, and it felt like coming home.
Dear Diary,
Everything’s right in the world again. And someone spoke to me today after class! A new friend and we’re friends again. Like before.
Maybe university isn’t so bad after all.
Dear Diary,
A year ago, I hated it here. Now, I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Sure, we’ve had small arguments, but now we know we’ll always gravitate back to each other. Some things never change, and he’s a permanent part of my universe, from my first day of grade 8 to my 57th day at UBC.
You know how they say relationships, friendships or whatever aren’t real if you don’t fight? We’re the very embodiment of that. Sure, we argue and we get irritated over small, stupid things. But if we can’t do that with each other, then with whom?
Doesn’t friendship mean being able to be yourself, knowing they’ll be there for you, waiting, willing to accept and love all versions of you? From childhood to college, neither of us are the same people — we both have changed, but we choose to remain friends.
So the fights don’t matter. Because now we know how it’ll end — it won't.