SEX ED: 2024 sex issue//

The Ubyssey's purity test

Ready to find out how freaky you really are? Go through the list and check off all of the activities (wink, wink) that apply to you.

Move over Rice Purity Test. It's UBC's time to shine.

  1. Lost your virginity at UBC
  2. Made out with someone on the Pit dance floor
  3. Hooked up with someone you met at the Pit
  4. Successfully flirted for free drinks
  5. Unsuccessfully flirted for free drinks
  6. Hooked up with a person in a frat
  7. Hooked up with a person in a sorority
  8. Hooked up with an entire frat lineage
  9. Been banned from a frat for hooking up with an entire frat lineage
  10. Grinded on someone while “Low” by Flo Rida played at the venue of your choice
  11. Smashed in the frat attic (iykyk)
  12. Kissed more than five people at one frat party
  13. Kicked your roommate out to get freaky
  14. Got kicked out by your roommate so they could get freaky
  15. Had a full make-out sesh with your crush while your roommate was across the room
  16. Photobombed your friends’ Instagram photos with a make-out sesh
  17. Smashed your roommate (historians will say they were roommates)
  18. Received a noise complaint for having sex too loud
  19. Given a noise complaint to others for having sex too loud
  20. Ghosted someone because you’re scared of commitment
  21. Been ghosted (spooky!)
  22. Played a game involving stripping in the dorms
  23. Made out with one of your closest friends as a “bit”
  24. Had a slow-burn love story with your “friend” from first year
  25. Brought a stranger back to your dorm
  26. Gone to Wreck Beach clothed but ended up naked
  27. Gave head on a log at Wreck Beach
  28. Skinny dipped with your crush at Wreck Beach
  29. Got freaky on the Wreck Beach stairs
  30. Had a late-night rendezvous in the Magic Forest
  31. Met a stranger on the bus and ended up in their bed by the end of the night
  32. Had a first date on campus
  33. Had your first kiss in the Rose Garden
  34. Had a “hopeless romantic” tell you they love you during the first week of university
  35. Had someone “Merry Christmas,” “Happy Birthday” or “Have a Great Summer” back into your life
  36. Downloaded a dating app
  37. Deleted that dating app
  38. Redownloaded a dating app
  39. Had an on-campus dating app hookup
  40. Realized dating apps are great because you can get someone else to pay for your dinner during the cost of living crisis
  41. Had the big three on your phone at once (Hinge, Bumble, Tinder)
  42. Found your significant other on a dating app
  43. Matched with the same people on multiple dating apps
  44. Didn’t message them anyway
  45. Got woken up by 32 missed calls from your booty call at 2 a.m.
  46. Had a situationship
  47. Cried because you caught feelings even though they didn’t like you like that
  48. Realized it’s not that deep
  49. Hooked up with your first-year dorm floor rep
  50. Fucked in the Life Building’s gender-neutral bathroom room
  51. Given head while they were sitting on a toilet (any toilet, you freaks)
  52. Gotten all dressed up to impress someone in your class
  53. Called AMS SafeWalk so you can experience being dropped home safe after a night out because chivalry is dead
  54. Been in a serious relationship with a UBC student
  55. Been in a serious relationship with an SFU student (treason)
  56. Have been in a relationship with the same person since first year
  57. Gotten engaged before you graduated
  58. Gotten married to a UBC student
  59. Had a dorm baby
  60. Had a threesome on a twin XL
  61. Given/received a hickey so bad that green concealer wouldn’t cover it
  62. Woken up in a stranger’s bed not knowing how you got there
  63. Hooked up with a TA to elevate your learning experience in the class
  64. Not made it to your own bed after a night out
  65. Did a walk-of-shame to an 8 a.m. class from your hookup’s room
  66. Received a UBC club-branded condom during Clubs Fair
  67. Went to a house party uninvited to “accidentally” bump into your campus crush
  68. Gotten mono from a hookup

Senior Staff Writer