Twelve days of completely secular yuletide: Mariah Carey invented Christmas in 1994

To get your exam-riddled brains full of the holiday spirit, The Ubyssey is prescribing a healthy, 12-day course of ridiculous music reviews. Enjoy, you poor souls!

There is really only one person who springs to mind when I hear the word “diva,” and that person is Mariah Carey. Case in point — the title of her last album was Me. I Am Mariah... The Elusive Chanteuse. Yes, she really did that and I love her for it.

Her 1990 hit “Vision of Love” not only catapulted the star to fame, but also has been said to have depression-curing properties for young women — people said this on the internet so it is definitely true. Taking from that what you will, Mariah is undeniably an icon and also one of the few people on this planet who are totally recognizable by their first name alone.

Carey’s 1994 multi-platinum album Merry Christmas is 39 minutes long, meaning that if one was so inclined, it would be possible to play it end-to-end nearly 37 times in a single day. And with bops such as “All I Want for Christmas Is You” and a run-filled “Christmas (Baby Please Come Home),” who in their right mind wouldn’t want to? Mariah herself listens to her own Christmas music and I can’t blame her.

This holiday season, I encourage you to love yourself like Mariah loves Mariah. Indulge in her self-indulgence, curl up by the fire and while away the hours wondering who exactly she wanted for Christmas, in those long winter months of the early 90s.