Imagine Day last year was a turbulent day for me. I was excited and overwhelmed to finally be at my dream school, and at one point was even holding back tears (I know lame.) But the speeches on how “your path may change along the way but it will take you where you need to be” really got to me. After living my entire life and attending my first year of university in Abbotsford, I was more than ready for a change.
That year sitting in classrooms beside everyone from high school, constantly seeing my ex and his new girlfriend, alongside every dollar spent on transcripts, and every double shift the summer before would be worth it. The life I imagined for myself was finally within reach. I was going to make life-long friends, join clubs and have the typical university experience I had been deprived of at home. And those Imagine Day speakers led me to believe it was all going to happen automatically.
Walking into the lecture hall the first day of class was nerve wracking to say the least. Where do I sit? The front? The back? Somewhere in between? Should I sit beside someone or are they saving that seat? Do I sit alone and wait for someone to sit beside me? What if no one sits beside me and I’m all alone forever? That’s usually what happened. I eventually talked to my classmates in the small classrooms. The only thing, I will argue, I got out of retaking WRDS 150. But I never knew how to take those friendships outside of class.
Everyone said the best way to make friends was to join clubs so that’s what I tried. I thought maybe my experience with high school student leadership would be enough to snag me an exec position, but it wasn’t. And, I got discouraged when I found out most aspects of being a member are just going to events. But now I realize you can’t jump right into being the leader. You must start small and work your way up.
I know I am not the only one who has felt lonely at UBC. The size of the campus and sheer number of students lead me to believe that I would meet so many people, and I did. But not everyone you meet will become your new best friend, and the large student body can make it easy to get lost in the crowd.
By the end of first semester I was friendless, broke, and doing terrible in French. I thought maybe I wasn’t cut out for UBC, and I should just go home. The excitement and inspiration I felt on Imagine Day slipped away as the reality of midterms and paper deadlines set in. I blamed my loneliness on not being able to have the first-year dorm experience. Or that everyone already had their friends and I was an unwanted intruder. Or that I was stuck in this weird state of being new to UBC but not university, so I was neither truly first or second year.
I realize now it was my attitude. I had a picture-perfect life imagined for myself at UBC, and I thought everything would fall into place once I was there. Then I gave up on shaping my own experience once my assumptions didn’t immediately come true. But, if you don’t actively engage in building the life you want nothing ever happens.
Now I’m back for my second year here. I’m trying to be proactive in shaping my experience. Signing up for more clubs even though I’m in third year and should’ve found my community by now. Trying and failing again interviewing for more exec positions. But, I’m not giving up, and I’m certainly not going home.
Just being at one of the top schools in Canada doesn’t guarantee you anything. UBC is not a shining castle on the hill, it’s a university with too many construction detours, crappy weather, and an overwhelmingly large student body. Its easy to get lost in the crowd, and feel lonely and unwelcome at times. But don’t stop searching for your place. Try something that pushes you outside your comfort zone. Go alone if you must. Just do not shut yourself in your dorm room like I did. There are only so many memorable experiences you can have from there.