What your laptop stickers say about you

You wanted to separate yourself from the thousands of other students walking around campus with MacBooks, didn’t you? So you decided to decorate it with fun, eclectic stickers like thousands of other students did, didn’t you? And you thought you'd get away with that? Not if I can help it.

Here’s your personality reading based on the most basic, fad-subservient stickers and placements a person can commit to their laptop surface. The methodology for this study is based on field notes gathered from my observations of my five closest friends.

Idiosyncratic paint job

If you have so many stickers on your laptop that you can’t even see the original layer, then you are a force to be reckoned with, mostly because of your undeniable god complex. Most of the stickers are likely camper vans and Tofino tags and you’ve probably been surfing once and reflect on it every day. You study in overpriced coffee shops for the aesthetic and you drink craft beer for clout.

One sticker covering the Apple logo

If you have one, singular, lonely sticker covering your Apple logo then you secretly stick your chewed gum to the bottom of Buchanan desks and you’re definitely a virgo.

Neatly-organized silhouette or heart stickers

If your laptop is pristinely designed with thoughtful and planned-out stickers that you ordered from Etsy, then you’re the mom of your friend group. You’re kind and caring but also the one who gets all the shit done. You’re an office hours regular and you have way too many granola bars in your backpack.

Stickers on the inside of your laptop

If you have stickers on the inside of your laptop, like by the keyboard, then you shouldn’t go out without a large group — you’ll definitely get lost. Your level of chaos is unhinged and honestly, unmatched. Practice the buddy system religiously. You’ve also probably read Sally Rooney’s Normal People at least five times.

Fruit stickers

If you take the stickers off of various fruits and put them on your laptop then you (not probably, you did) grew up on a farm and you eat the entire apple including core. Commitment scares you and Gilmore Girls is your comfort show.

If you don’t have any stickers on your laptop, you go to Sauder and correspond with your parents exclusively on LinkedIn.

To conclude: don’t feel bad that you’re basic. We’re all just walking Herschel backpacks and AirPods barely surviving on $6 coffees. You’ll be fine.