The restaurant you’re currently in is going bankrupt and is closing right now

Woah! Watch out! I know you were just sitting there minding your own business trying to study, but the beloved restaurant you’re studying biochemistry in is being closed down as we speak. Like right now. Move your chair because a realtor just walked in and is showing the place to a rich developer and they have money signs in their eyes.

We know you love this place — it’s where you eat croissants and post insta-stories — but honestly how could community coffee shop afford rent in the centre of Kitsilano? The economy isn’t going to fuck-up itself!

Don’t wait around though — we wouldn’t be surprised if a bulldozer came ripping right through here and just fucked up that little breakfast nook you had your first all-nighter in. If you look behind you, you might even see the owner of the place smashing her piggy bank in an attempt to scrounge some rent together, but it’s way too late for that now.

I mean in a working and normal economy, you shouldn’t expect to merely serve as a community focal point for students and other community members. You need to make moolah! You need to sell Teslas! Get into bitcoin! There is no money in just giving people a place to exist and have a sense of connection to other humans, so that’s exactly why this shack is bankrupt and going down.

So you better watch your head because I think a contractor is try to get by to see how much explosives he needs to take this shit-hole down. Wait, judging by that rumble, I think it’s actually going to be a bulldozer.