At the end of the summer, I finally linked up with a group of amazing young Black women with whom I have been virtually acquainted. On one particular day, one of my amazing friends (let’s call her Cami) said, “Have you noticed how almost all the Black boys are rolling with non-Black girls? Legit, I’ve only seen one Black couple on campus.”
My other friend (we’ll call her Devina) said, “Oh my gosh, I thought I was the only one who noticed that.”
Cami continued, “Damn, I guess we get to be the only race where men of our race aren’t interested in us.” Ouch!
“That’s painful,” I grimaced. Hmm! I thought to myself, that’s interesting. I had never actually noticed this despite being on campus for a while, but now that I think of it, I can actually see it. “Wow, how did I not notice this, hmm!”
Now, it’s important to note that both Cami and Devina are of African descent — however, they have grown up in predominantly white countries. With that context in mind, it makes sense why they would notice such a detail and I wouldn’t. Our relation to race is different.
So we had a discussion on the matter, and we pretty much concluded our conversation how most conversations between Gen-Z women conclude, filled with hope and a subtle sense of self-love — independence and boss lady typa vibes. However, I was still left fascinated. I dove into investigation mode to see for myself.
I first noticed what I had seen when I moved to UBC — there is an awfully small number of young men of African heritage and the few that I see actually do fit into the proper description that Cami mentioned, only dating non-Black girls. So it’s actually true, I acknowledged.
Being embroidered in the history of colonization, I was for the most part conditioned into seeing anything not Black as good. This is made up of little things, like thinking, Ooh, should I buy chocolate made in Ghana or the one made in Switzerland? Well, Switzerland it is! You can never trust African products. Or that the quality can’t be the same, this one is of better quality. If I think that way about chocolate, then what of our brothers? Obviously their ideas and standards of beauty must have been affected.
Love is a beautiful thing worthy of celebration regardless of the couples' racial background. However, have you noticed how interracial relationships especially between Black people and other races are very much celebrated and appreciated in recent years? Well, in one part they are celebrated because for the most part they were banned and illegal. For example, apartheid South Africa; but there is a side of this celebration that really has me raising my eyebrows.
Do we as Black individuals feel like we have conquered or proven something by being in an interracial relationship? Do Black men or women purposely consider partners of a different race thinking, Well, I prove a point of my individual worthiness by being in an interracial relationship, or that If we were to have children, they would be really beautiful? Because if that’s the case, what we are actually saying is that our self-worth and beauty is not complete without a merger or connection of some sort with a different race.
We have to decolonize our hearts. Our feelings change our hearts, but our thoughts influence our feelings. What I’m really saying is that in decolonizing our minds, we also have to look into our feelings and what has shaped them.
Are we really connecting with people regardless of their race on the basis of our pure feelings, emotions and connection we have towards them? Or is it influenced by something deeper, like our insecurities or even our deeper sense of loyalty?
For Black women, it is the deeper sense of loyalty within their race that makes it rather hard to consider the idea of finding love from other races. They dismiss their pure genuine feelings for other races because they feel like it would be betraying their own. On both ends, it is sad how the chains of colonialism and slavery strangle our hearts and minds. The only way forward is to break those chains by educating ourselves on our history, questioning our motives, realizing our biases and checking ourselves.
To Black men and women out there, love is a beautiful thing. It shouldn't be confined by a social construct such as race. Be yourself unapologetically — that starts with exploring, educating yourself and always checking yourself to make sure you are in alignment with your true self.
Black Voices at UBC is an open-form column publishing work by Black writers in UBC’s student community. If you’re interested in getting involved, reach out to opinion@ubyssey.ca.