Why I'm militarizing my photography drone

One of my greatest joys in life is photography. Recently, I’ve been taking more shots with my DJI Mavic Pro Drone to capture the splendour of this gorgeous campus we call home.

So now I’m militarizing it.

That’s right! With a small investment of a whole damn lot of international tuition money (or as I like to call it, pro b-oh-no!) I’ve tricked out the Mavic with an infrared camera, several rocket launchers, a chainsaw and a spring loaded boxing glove. That’s how you take it from Mavic to Magic!

Why? I recently had a look at the qualities of some of our greatest presidents, and militarized drones came up with a lot of them. I realized now that I was in fact looking at a list of high-ranking US air force commanders, but interdisciplinary learning is something we like to highlight at this institution.

Thanks to these upgrades, the Satannator will provide a range of valuable duties on campus. Research from our engagement team, for example, shows that students are a lot more likely to fill out my housing issues survey when they have 2,000 rounds of armour-piercing semiautomatic pain pointed at them.

The drone’s first mission, Operation Santa’s Sled, is an ongoing security mission on campus to protect students from dangerous opinions, such as not wanting tuition increases or objecting to militarized photography drones.

It’s also — and this goes without saying — an incredible move for the university’s international reputation. Q University Rankings recently deemed the Oh-nomatron (we’re still working on the name) Canada’s #1 University robotic fear machine, putting us just barely above Jordan Peterson’s twitter account.

If you see the Bowtie Butterfly around campus, be sure to snap a picture and upload to Insta with the hastag: #UBCDeathMachine. I figure we only have about three weeks before it becomes sentient.