"2018 Spoof: Oh-No" from The Ubyssey

Finally: Satan Oh-No apologizes for making other universities look bad

Mai Boatye — Mon, 02 Apr 2018 08:30:17 +0000

I’ve been hearing rumours of a place called SFU. I don’t know what that means but I’m sure they’re doing their best.

Oh-No's Twitter Tips: Building your online brand to distance yourself from the crushing horrors of late capitalism

Josh Is Easy — Mon, 02 Apr 2018 00:02:43 +0000

Everyone likes doggos, even destitute students! If you’re feeling fuzzy, tweet a picture of your beautiful dog Fido. The kids will eat that shit up — and the more doggo pics you send out, the more likely people will forget that you caved to alumni donors who threatened to stop their donations after you disinvited a speaker accused of abusing multiple Indigenous children.

20 questions with Satan Oh-No

Kon Jay and Andy Roo — Mon, 02 Apr 2018 00:00:59 +0000

Guest Globe and Mail reporter Andy Roo was kind enough to take time away from quote-tweeting Jardon Porterson to pen a gleefully sycophantic fluff piece on one of the most powerful people in the country.

Why the cello actually gets you laid a lot

Pisstain Weiner — Sun, 01 Apr 2018 23:58:38 +0000

Wormyfood

Just try it one day. Whip out that 200-year-old piece of gnarled, well-fingered wood — ha ha, hey, not that one! You’ll be surprised at the raw, sexual dynamism of the favoured instrument of people whose hands are too meaty for the violin.

How to surgically optimize your body for social media

Pepe Sylvia — Sun, 01 Apr 2018 23:58:25 +0000

It’s hard to keep up that up over the years of stress and unaddressed faults in your institution, so I’ve compiled a list of procedures to keep you looking tight and Insta-ready!

Oh-No’s budget tips for sessional instructors

Pisstain Wiener and Kon Jay — Sun, 01 Apr 2018 23:58:04 +0000

Chestnut Wong

Ethics and moral principle fly out the window in the funnest way when you’re strapped for cash. Imagine how invaluable you’d be to the students of your course when you shamefully hand over the answer to the only thing that you’ve ever loved.

What students really mean when they talk about fall reading break

Kale MacLachlan — Sun, 01 Apr 2018 23:57:25 +0000

Unless it’s got the word donor in front of it, things like “mental wellbeing,” “long-overdue” and “no I don’t want to hear another TED Talk” start to sound like complete gibberish.

Three bow ties that'll make everyone forget you haven't apologized for residential schools

Fjørk Knievenspoon — Sun, 01 Apr 2018 23:57:06 +0000

Getting dressed in the morning for a long day of busking in the TrySkain, schmoozing with donors and paying lip service to institutional racism against Indigenous people at UBC requires a level of versatility that only a bowtie can provide.

Oh-No’s favourite things 2018

Joolia Burntham — Sun, 01 Apr 2018 23:56:44 +0000

Here’s our annual list of gifts that Oh-No thinks are just great!

Satan Oh-No's book club

Kon Jay and Pisstain Wiener — Sun, 01 Apr 2018 23:56:06 +0000

“This is a beautiful story for people of all ages with a beautiful moral: if you just hang around long enough, good things will happen to you.”