The Pan, an inanimate object, is running for AMS president on a platform of affordability, sustainability, engagement and not wanting to get elected.
“I don’t want the job,” The Pan said. “I would be deeply ashamed of being president and I would do everything I can for the students while touching none of the clout, and hating my job and myself the entire time.”
On affordability, The Pan said it would organize workshops led by local entrepreneurs who will “tell you about the value of having rich parents [and] the value of shit coins.”
The Pan also said it wanted to make the AMS truly carbon neutral by reducing commuter emissions through “saving the Bike Kitchen” and ensuring the Nest can float to respond to rising sea levels.
“I also think that we need to re-naturalize the Nest thus increasing green spaces and ventilation by propping open the door to the Nest 24/7. That way we will have wildlife,” it added.
The Pan said it has a personal stake in the environment: “[I’m] worried about rusting to death.”
In terms of student engagement, The Pan said students view the AMS as a corporation instead of a student union.
It plans to change this attitude by “holding an [All General Meeting] fish fry” and standing outside the Nest for 24 hours a day for a week to collect negative feedback man-to-pan.
The Pan added that students don’t feel like they are having a university experience. To address this, it would make The Pit greasier and open more often to end the culture of students being forced to go to “chic, stupid bars.”
It also proposed having a guillotine week where a guillotine would be placed in front of Sauder and the engineering buildings to remind students that life is short and they shouldn’t exploit workers. It clarified that no one would be guillotined.
When asked what it liked about President Cole Evans’ term, The Pan said it liked the incumbent’s COVID-19 advocacy and protest to move final exams online at the end of last term.
The Pan said it disliked that Evans is “such a frat guy but without necessarily being a frat guy.”
While The Pan doesn’t want to get elected — “I can work as a protest vote or even just the I'm-not-satisfied-with-my-choices vote” — it hopes that its candidacy increases student interest in the election.
“Many people said to me that … they've never voted before and this is the person that they will vote for for the first time,” it said.
“If they don't vote for me, but they heard about the elections or heard about the problems of their candidates because of me, I consider that a win.”
The Pan is running against AMS incumbents VP Academic & University Affairs Eshana Bhangu and VP External Saad Shoaib, newcomers Wesley Choi, Sydney Harakal and Tate Kaufman and fellow joke candidate Remy the Rat.
The Pan’s human representative is Thomas McLeod, The Ubyssey’s Opinion & Blog Editor. He is not involved in this year’s election coverage.
Follow us at @UbysseyNews on Twitter and follow our election coverage starting February 28. This article is part of our 2022 AMS elections coverage.