There is nothing more humbling than becoming ill and realizing everything you’re doing to get better is what you should’ve been doing all along. It turns out drinking gallons of caffeine on the regular and getting less than four hours of sleep every night does not fix the broken pieces of your exhaustion or do wonders for your immune system. Who would have thought?
Let’s face it. If you’ve been exposed to a virus this midterm season, it’s frat flu, and it’s too late for you. Good luck. Hopefully you make it to the other side! Take a day off so you’re able to recover quickly (unless you’re an engineering student, then this doesn’t apply to you because wtf are days off) and get well soon!
If you’re one of the lucky ones, yet to encounter this ailment in the throngs of people bumping into each other in the poorly-circulated air of the tight and enclosed spaces that make up our campus, here are some ways to prevent getting sick this season.
Bus
If the frats are where this particular flu begins, then the bus is where it spreads. You are trapped. It seems like you have no choice but to hope that the unmasked six-foot-seven dude in the middle of the bus doesn’t cough all over everyone and let his spit particles fall all over you during your never-ending commute.
Now, I cannot take credit for this revolutionary sickness-prevention measure since I saw it happen the other day, like, irl. (I would have applauded this individual, if I was not already holding on for dear life to the little grey loopy thing as the bus swerved around various electric scooter riders.) If someone behind you coughs on the bus, you can be brave and simply get up quickly and move — you can even move to a whole other section of the bus, not just one seat over.
Heed my warning: if you’re not careful, one day your usual trip on the R4 could turn into the canon university event that is catching frat flu, missing one class and then fearing for your life even more when you come back to a lab, an in-class essay, and an exam that is “not a big deal” just “everything we’ve looked over during lectures and the first 400 pages of the textbook” which leads to you reading the first question and then the course code, wondering if you are even in the right class.
Lectures
Even though it’s spooky season, there is nothing more scary than the person next to you coughing up a lung in a lecture during midterms. Your whole life flashes before your eyes and your whole academic career boils down to this moment. Your next action could determine whether you pass or fail your courses, or even graduate… so choose wisely.
First, the sitting-somewhere-else strategy can also apply here. Be courageous and finally leave your unassigned-assigned seat you chose that first week of September. Will everyone scoot their chair an inch away from the person having a coughing fit in the corner? Probably. Will people look at them like they are a zombie and start shouting ‘brains’ until they finally leave? I say this is deserved.
In fact, if you’re unable to move, ridicule works great. Personally, I like to point at the cougher and say really loudly, “That was an interesting point, you should tell the professor,” which, if all goes well, will result in the professor asking them to share their comment with the whole class, which will then lead to them running from the classroom in fear because they were playing Clash of Clans instead of paying attention.
By using either of these strategies, you should be able to pass that “total GPA-booster” elective you took that’s actually really hard — it turns out university classes are all hard — because that would be so embarrassing if you didn’t.
Library
I have to fight for my life to find a seat in IKB that isn’t across from someone, because I like to look around and I don’t want some random person thinking I’m checking them out. I am not leaving my spot early, easily or ever (what can I say, I’m locked in) so if you even dare sniffle around me, I am not afraid to start kicking some shins.
If the cougher in your proximity doesn’t take the hint, I suggest starting a TikTok Live to your 25 followers. Call out this person for staying on campus while sick to your four loyal viewers. Coming to classes? Fine. I guess I get it. Just cough into your arm and not onto mine and we’ll probably be fine. But you, as a spreader of frat flu symptoms, have no reason to be in the library!
However, if confrontation isn’t your style, then be like everyone on the internet and hide behind a screen! Whether you want to send proof of their ChatGPT usage on their participation assignments to their professor (AI users are cringe and deserve it anyway) or you feel like commenting thumbs down emojis on their recent LinkedIn career update, it is that serious. Quit coughing on me. This method is by far the most effective suggestion on this list.
Finally, try bolstering your immune system on the regular. Get to sleep early. Replace that coffee with some vitamin C for a change — face it, there isn’t enough caffeine left in the world to help you anyway.
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