Students have complained for years about limited course capacity and wait-lists. UBC — an institution famous for listening carefully to students and acting swiftly on their concerns — has developed a fuckass solution.
“So one day I was watching The Lego Movie, and it got to that part where Emmet builds the double-decker couch,” said Inna Vator, instigator of the Second Lifted Object Project (SLOP), in an interview with The Ubyssey.
Vator drafted the plans that night. SLOP proposes a doubling of all furniture on campus — desks, chairs “and couches, of course” — and stacking the new furniture on top of the existing furniture.
“Who doesn’t love lasagna? This is basically that.”
Vator believes SLOP will solve all problems at the university regarding seating capacity. “Mostly, I just think it would be kind of cool,” they added.
The original blueprint, drawn haphazardly on a piece of cardboard, details the SLOP Vator envisions; The second layer of furniture would be made to a much lower standard so the university could cut costs “but still double the fun,” said Vator. The Ubyssey was able to obtain a copy of the “document.”
“See, I drew them smiling because I fixed their lives.”
We asked how the design accounted for students at the upper altitude potentially kicking the heads of the people below. “Well, they’re not doing that in the drawing.”
To get feedback from students on SLOP, Vator pretended to be a Blue Chip barista and told customers they wouldn’t have to pay for their order if they filled out Vator’s survey. Responses poured in until Vator was forcibly removed from the Nest. But they had already collected the data they needed to prove the initiative aligned with demands. “The kids love SLOP.”
Fortunately, there were roadbumps to getting this renovation greenlit. Development Services criticized the project, stating in their review that it was a “waste of resources” and “also really dumb.” Instead of providing a structured defence — “SLOP is not really into structural integrity on all fronts” — Vator pulled up The Lego Movie on one of their laptops. Their project was immediately fast-tracked from there.
“It’s just a beautiful film, you know? It deals with a lot of real insecurities around isolation and not being Batman. Not to mention the humour still really hits, even after you’ve seen it 83 times, which I have.” Vator said. “The movie is playing in my Airpods right now.”
Vator pulled out their phone and showed us the entirety of The Lego Movie. It was quite good. “Right?” Vator said.
With the project approved, Vator is looking into more children’s animated classics for solutions to other issues at UBC and the world. “Right now I’m on my Ratatouille grind and it’s telling me the rodents at Orchard Commons have a much greater purpose.”
A statement from UBC says students can expect SLOP to be fully implemented “in 2028 if we get around to it, but by 2040 for sure, maybe.”
