We often connect intimacy with sex, but it doesn’t have to be. The pressure for intimacy to be sexual can create unrealistic and unhealthy expectations in a relationship when you should only do what you feel comfortable with.
I am currently in a long-distance relationship. My partner lives on the East Coast, and I find myself, well, here. With our studies keeping us on different sides of the continent, we typically get to see one another in person every six months. The time in between can be difficult. Online school forces us to put more effort into creating these non-sexual intimate and bonding moments. The relationship seems to have more meaning as we show our seriousness and commitment; the extra effort shows how much we care. It also shows that sex is not always necessary in a relationship.
To establish our connection virtually, we typically set a schedule of some kind. For us, intimacy can be as simple as sitting on a call with one another as we do homework. We just sit there, typing away while listening to the same playlist. We tend to send each other 'good morning' and 'good night' texts. The morning ones usually consist of us cheering the other on, telling them that they'll destroy all of their classes.
Other times, it's more intricate. We occasionally do movie nights and watch some of our favourite films and TV shows from childhood. It also means a lot to me when I feel like a total mess, breaking down about my assignments while he sits there on my computer screen trying to help me calm down. He reminds me to take a deep breath in and out, followed by a solution for the problem that we come up with together.
Trust and genuineness are the foundation of our intimacy. I feel close to him in all of these moments, despite the 4,818 kilometers between us. I feel lucky to have him, and I am very proud of our intimacy.
Your relationship is yours. Don't let someone tell you otherwise. Don't feel like you need it to be any certain way. Relationships are where love and happiness bloom. Intimacy is whatever you want it to be. ❦
This article is part of Intimacy, The Ubyssey’s 2022 sex issue. You can read more here.