The lesbian masterdoc (UBC edition)

Generations of confused teenagers have turned to the lesbian masterdoc, a scripture for the women-loving-women community, to answer one of the world’s greatest mysteries: am I a lesbian?

That’s a great question. And while there may not be a height requirement, there are many signs you may be a woman who likes women. We’ve compiled a list of possible indicators you might be playing for the other team and not even know it yet — and for your convenience, we’ve perfectly tailored it to the UBC student experience.

You might be a lesbian if you’ve ever:

Volunteered at Sprouts or Agora
Bought a copy of Fun Home from the UBC Bookstore
Stormed the wall (staring at a girl’s butt as you push her up the wall? I see you)
Worn that UBC hoodie with the mushrooms (you know the one)
Worked a little too hard to get your ‘friend’ from class the notes after she was sick with the flu
Seen UBC President Benoit-Antoine Bacon blink
Chosen your favourite TA based on their cool and sexy masc haircut
Crashed out because Lucy Dacus’s tour doesn’t have any Vancouver dates
Gone to the Aviary (I see you guys with your harnesses and carabiners, you little freaks)
Gotten your hair cut during Big Joy $5 Wednesday
Taken a GRSJ course “as an ally”
Understood what Blank Vinyl Project meant when they made the Goosehunt theme ‘indie sleaze’
Gotten way too obsessed with student journalism
Agreed to attend a student governance meeting simply because a girl you like was going
Refused to skip a class and always sat in the front row because you thought your female professor was ‘neat’
Bought train tickets to Portland because a girl you like wanted to see Mitski
Suggested you and your ‘friend’ hang out at Granville Island (there is no such thing as a casual hangout at Granville Island, it is a date)
Fantasized about your high school English teacher
Bought the vegan banana bread from Blue Chip
Read one of your poems out loud in CRWR 201
Been a geography major
Felt a special connection to the Camosun Bog
Screamed in your dorm room the first time you watched Chappell Roan’s SNL performance of “The Giver”
Yearned
Scissored