an em i loved

somehow there is always an emily —

she is beautiful, cool, sometimes

goes by em or emma, stone-cold,

blunt like a dick in someone’s, but

as i was saying,

there is always an emily

an em i love, yes.

when she hides behind her friends,

she is the man behind the curtain — i am the ruby shoes

that bring her home, there

the whole time, forever composed of nows,

and she is her worst enemy, her own rival.

she is a very capable shapeshifter,

a sweet, doting farm girl, a femme fatale,

the most convincing actress.

but when she stands alone, waiting

on customers at the sad cash register

denying me, settling for him, waiting.

the em i love is just a fantasy,

the em i loved is just