UBC has announced their plan for Campus Vision 2050, and it includes everything from adding housing to SkyTrain expansions. But looking at it, I was appalled to find how many vital additions were missing.
So, I took the liberty of compiling everything the university needs to add to really help make a better future for UBC students.
Ball pit
Instead of creating that new rec center, UBC should leave the gaping hole in the ground and transform it into a ball pit.
During midterm season, when you feel like throwing yourself into the void, just chuck yourself into a rainbow ball pit. Release all that pent-up frustration into having a plastic ball fight with your friends.
An underground network of transport tubes
Campus is way too big for me, a non-kinesiology student (because I am not big and strong), and if UBC wants to keep expanding campus, they’ll need to provide a better transportation system between buildings. Buchanan to Forestry is a 15-minute walk. I can't do that!. The solution: a huge network of interconnected human-sized pneumatic tubes that will send you flying to your next class. Now that's the future.
Shots, shots, shots
Free espresso shots. I think there need to be espresso shot stations like we have hand sanitizer stations. If UBC is going to schedule a three-hour final at 7 p.m. on a Saturday, the least they could do is help ensure I'm awake during it.
Soundproof bubble
What is UBC's plan to deal with the noise generated by frat parties? You know the ones. And listen, I love Greek life as much as the next person (I do not like Greek life), but I do not need to hear the sound of a DJ mashing up 2010 summer hits every weekend. So, I’m suggesting we put a fucking soundproof dome over those parties. If we can become real innovators, then UBC will make the dome portable so we can shut up the AMS Welcome Back BBQ.
Speakers
UBC is missing out on the chance to increase its holiday spirit. I love a little jingle bell here and there is no better way to get rid of people's gloom during finals season than to play holiday music. UBC should invest in a massive speaker system that lightly plays music throughout the whole campus on a 24-hour loop. As soon as December 1st hits, I want nothing else in my head but Mariah Carey.