With school back in-person, the representatives of Neo Financial are back bothering students and I’m not the only one noticing. Here are some strategies to use when they don’t understand that averting eye contact and keeping your headphones in/on means you don’t want to talk.
Tell them your favourite conspiracy theory
How long will they listen to your rant about 5G vaccine mind-control? The only way to find out is to try. If it feels like they’re trying to get out of the conversation, remember that Justin Trudeau is just tuning their microchips to that frequency and they actually want to be woken up.
Take a dive
Channel your inner soccer player and hit the deck the next time they step in front of you and try to cut you off. The key here is to really pour your heart into the performance. Don’t just limply fall to the ground: writhe around screaming, “My leg! My leg! This representative of a dubious financial company injured my leg!”
Talk about crypto
“Did you say your accounts are in dollars? Like those weird plastic portraits of the Queen?” While Neo likes to brand itself as hip and modern, the simple fact of the matter is that the dollar is on the way out. It’s up to you to enlighten those sheeple that JPEGs of monkeys are the future of currency.
Leave your headphones in
“I can’t hear you, the music’s too loud.” It’s a real bummer that the loud music coming from your headphones is impeding your conversation. Too bad you can’t do anything about it other than repeatedly ask them “WHAT?”
Introduce them to your cult
What if I told you that a space in heaven only costs 200 grand or one drawing of a monkey? After communicating with God through the fundamental frequency of the universe, I’m happy to say that I’ve been able to secure some spots in heaven for the most devoted followers of Jacksonism. Every cult needs some henchmen who love pressuring people and don’t care about how their actions affect others so I’m confident that the Neo representatives will fit right in.
Explain to them how their actions make the Nest a less welcoming place
The Nest is supposed to be a place for everyone at UBC, and we pay a decent amount in fees to access it. It really sucks when companies like Neo decide to make it an uncomfortable place to be, especially for neurodivergent students like myself.