The Dingbat: New student workout plan to save minutes and money to build muscle

I’m deep into midterms and all I want to do is curl up under my blankets with my ramen and Taylor Swift’s Midnights. But, there’s always the sneaking little reminder working its way into my head.

I forgot to workout.

This thought never leaves me, especially since I made that same old New Years resolution back in January. 

“2022 is my year,” I told everyone. “This year, I will not turn into another reclusive bed-gremlin. Just you watch, this year I will finally have my shit together.”

Well trust me, my shit was nowhere to be found (except the toilet, but you know!).

No. Between all my classes and the barren remains of what was once described as “a social life”, I managed to curate the most time-efficient way to stay active while saving time. 

Oh yes, I’m saving minutes and money while building muscle.

The daily routine starts with the usual: sleeping in. Now, it might feel counter-intuitive, but trust me here. 

I just keep hitting snooze until I’m running at the risk of missing class. Then, I have to jump out of bed, and race around the room, kicking off this cardio-intense daily routine. I make sure to leave everything dumped on the ground from the night before; bending down to pick everything up is a nice little trick to activate those abs.

Then I just keep that heart rate up by running for the bus, and when I hop on, I’ve already got that “healthy glow” and rosy cheeks. It’s the perfect life hack to hide that dead look from the midterm grind.

Now, since I’m always on the last bus I can take to still get to class, it’s another sprint across campus to make it on time. 

The best part? I just get in my arm workout at the same time. Just ignore your chiropractor and buy all physical copies of your textbooks and carry them around wherever you go. It tones the back without any extra time.

Next, I keep up with all that cardio by scheduling classes back-to-back on opposite sides of campus, so it’s another run. 

After my morning classes, I’ve got a few hours to spare, so I grab a much-needed lunch before moving on to the next part of this full-body workout.

Simply head on over to the library and prepare to work those luscious sweatpant-wrapped legs, as you walk the stairs up to the top floor to study for the next few hours before your next class. 

And if I’m really feeling it, I like to target my glutes by doing lunges up the stairs to really plump that rear end.

But of course, once the day is finally over, finish off this long, active day with a final energizing cardio session by running for the bus to get home and getting that mental espresso shot to finish up readings and assignments.

My friends might say I’m “losing it” and those people in the library that I’m “that weird person” they “should call security on” when they see me using the library's special collection of 17th century anatomy encylopedias as weights to get those reps, but just wait. Because this year, I’m sticking to my goals. 

This year is my year.

The Dingbat is The Ubyssey's humour section. Send pitches and completed pieces to