I am on a one-woman mission. I want to become best friends with Dr. Deborah Buszard.
Deborah took over UBC in October as interim president when you-know-who departed from us (Alexa! Play “traitor” by Olivia Rodrigo).
She is the new head honcho at UBC. This means she has all the hot goss on all things UBC. What more could I want from a best friend?
I have devised the perfect, foolproof plan on how to make Deborah my new bestie.
The only time Deborah makes regular appearances is at the Board of Governors meetings. It appears I will have to start becoming a regular attendee. I mean, why wouldn't I love attending four-hour-long meetings at 8 a.m. and listening to business moguls rationalize raising our tuition each year? Too soon?
This setting would provide me with the perfect opportunity to try and strike up a conversation with Deborah. What better topic than her field of study: plant science, specifically fruit crops. I like fruits.
If this tactic fails, I always could try to bribe her. With what you ask? Well, look no further than her British upbringing. What do the Brits love? Tea.
One day, she would stumble upon a trail of tea bags from her office, leading to me sitting at a table with an elaborately set-up tea set (for tea time!). I shall win her over with biscuits and scones. Deborah could finally spill the tea on UBC (if anyone is going to know the dirt about this university, it's going to be her).
Or perhaps she is reading this very article and wondering why on earth she would want to be friends with me. (BTW Deborah, I know you subscribed to The Ubyssey newsletter and will see this). I’ll tell you why.
It's plain and simple. We would have a blast! We could go to MOA, grab a coffee from Loafe, watch seagulls steal people's food from your office and walk around the dead Rose Garden. It’s so beautiful this time of year! We could walk by the brilliant UBC motto, TUUM EST. It's yours. And well, that’s the truth. My friendship? It’s yours, Debbie!
We could even get matching bracelets that say UBC (Universally Bonded Companions).
Just think about it, okay? Promise?