Scholarly readership,

Too Sexy is here, yet again, to answer your strange and wonderful letters. This week’s letter contains a question about the merits of presumably unsolicited graffiti advertisement for anal sex. Read on, if you dare!

Too Sexy,

On a recent trip to the restroom, I was unsurprised to find writing on the stall, but didn’t expect what I read. While I am paraphrasing, it essentially said “name girls you know who like anal.”  Well, there were some names. Being a curious person, I found some of the people online. Given that there is nothing wrong with anal sex, should I do anything about this? The easy solution was to erase it, but my efforts failed. Should I leave it alone? Should I inform the people about this so they know someone is trying to slander them? I have no way of ascertaining the motivations for each person writing a name, of which there weren’t many (so far). However, I think it’s fair to assume their intentions were not to provide their female friends a large supply of potential anal sex partners.

Sincerely,
—A Horny Archfiend Ruining the Population’s Environmental Resources

Howdy HARPER,

There are three questions here. Let’s go through them.

First off, given that there is nothing wrong with anal sex, should you do anything about this? Well, HARPER, that depends on you. There are two possible futures in front of you. In the first future, some other ‘curious persons’ also look up this list of alleged anal aficionados and harass them for anal sex. In the second future, you get off your lazy ass, inform whomever owns, administrates or is otherwise responsible for the shit shack in question, and get the graffiti cleaned off or painted over. So my question to you, sir, is this: how do you feel about standing idly by while people are possibly being harassed by horn dogs for sexual preferences they may not even have?

Should you tell them? Probably not. How would you feel to learn that your name was on a similar list? Save them the embarrassment and just get rid of the graffiti.

Should you leave it alone? Maybe. Maybe you shouldn’t have read it. Maybe you shouldn’t have e-stalked the ladies in question. But it’s a little late for that. We’re past leaving it alone.

And sure, HARPER, you’ve no way of knowing the motive of the writers. But like you say, I doubt any of them were just trying to pass along a little man meat to their female friends with lax backdoor entrance policies. I doubt more than a third (if that) of the ladies listed actually have a stated preference for poop-chute pleasure. For the sake of argument, let’s assume everyone on that list loves anal sex. Let’s assume that they spend their days casually mentioning to their male bathroom stall frequenting friends how hard it is to find anal sex partners.

It’s still got to come down.

Just because you like something does not mean that you want that information to be available to every man/boy/genderbender on campus who has to take the occasional squat on the porcelain throne. This is because people usually like to have their first impressions take place in situations that don’t involve having someone learning their sexual preferences as they defecate.

So unless that list was written solely by the women themselves, creeping into the bathroom in the dead of night to scrawl their predilections on the walls, and then disappearing back into the sexually liberated ether from whence they came, it probably wasn’t their idea. It’s a quaint belief perhaps, but “Oh, I’ve read about you. Aren’t you that girl who likes anal” is probably not the response most people are looking for after telling someone their name.

Well, that’s it for this week. Remember, standing idly by while people are slandered makes you just as guilty of malicious misinformation as those who started it. It doesn’t take more than a sharpie and ten seconds to save a list of girls a lot of sexual harassment.

Send your questions, quandaries, queries, and Quaaludes to toosexy@ubyssey.ca or the anonymous web form at ubyssey.ca/ideas. And if there are any young women reading this with an authentic zest for the anal pleasures of life, remember: Craigslist is a better place to advertise than a campus stall.

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