I have never understood the concept of personals, or online booty calls. How does it work? How do you know she’s really a 21-year-old Russian who is “hot, horny and wet for you”? As a woman with some degree of self respect, I often find these ads more offensive than attractive. (Okay, that’s a lie. I often find them hilarious.)

I have never had sex, so I don’t see why people would resort to the great dark world of the internet.  I came close to it a couple of times, but never actually did it. Yes, I’ve wondered what it would be like— whether it would be passionate and romantic, as seen on television, or whether it would be something like what I hear from my neighbours, loud but short.

A few weeks ago, I scheduled myself for my very first pap smear test. Now, for those of you who aren’t at that stage of your life yet, or don’t have a vagina, what they do in a pap smear test is they swab the inside of your cervix with a cotton swab and test it for any funky stuff growing, like Gonorrhea. I didn’t think I would be too comfortable with that. A girlfriend reassured me, “It’s only as awkward as you let it be.” Right.

So I steeled myself, and took a shower before seeing the doctor (didn’t want anything to smell funky down there). I debated whether to wear a skirt (for easy access) or jeans (for my own comfort). Finally, after much prep work, I went to the hospital, only to be told that I didn’t need a pap smear. There was nothing to be tested since nothing had been going on down there.

To be honest, I was slightly miffed. I had been told by an excited co-worker that this was my initiation into womanhood, “You’re becoming a woman!” So after all those months of period cramps and awkward bra shopping with the mother, this was going to seal the deal of my coming of age. Not a girl, but a woman, with rights and all that stuff.

I guess it all comes down to this: Does having sex make you more of a woman than the next one? As a 20-year-old virgin, I say no. I’ve got curves, a cute face and I even sound like one when I holler. Practicing abstinence is a personal choice; I’m just waiting for the right guy. Yeah, it would be nice to have someone to snuggle with, but that’s why I bought that extra pillow from IKEA.

I’m no good at flirting, and I get awkward with attention. The concept of personals never got through to me. What do you say to a complete stranger? Doesn’t it get awkward? What if they smell funny? What if they want to hold hands and you don’t? But I guess this is a good place to start.

So I’ll give it a try.

“Naïve, slightly chubby Asian girl with big boobs looking for someone to love, to reenact movie love and to live happily ever after. Must like lions.”