Every romantic encounter begins with meeting that special somebody. But for many men and women, meeting a potential partner can be the hardest part of the dating process. Shyness, fear of rejection and low self-esteem often prevent people from making the first move. Even worse, these fears can keep men and women stuck in relationship purgatory, otherwise known as the friend-zone.

Stefan Pylarinos, a successful businessman, relationship guru and author of the e-book Creating Success with Women: Secrets to Becoming Natural at Attracting Women, wasn’t always confident, especially when it came to girls. A self-professed loner, he spent the majority of his high school years playing video games on the internet or watching movies at home and definitely never had a girlfriend.

“I was really shy when I was in high school. I was really introverted, the quiet guy in class and I went through a lot of different challenges socially,” said Pylarinos.

Finally, Pylarinos had had enough. Fed up with being too scared to approach women and frustrated at being seen as “the friend,” he came up with a plan.

Making it his mission to talk to as many women as possible, Pylarinos began to work on improving his communication skills with the seemingly elusive opposite sex.

“I started approaching women to improve this area of my life,” he explained. “At first, when I was 18, I used to go out, but I was too young to go to clubs, so I’d actually go out on Granville Street and approach women randomly on the street,” recalled Pylarinos, with a laugh.

“Later on when I went to a bar or a club I wasn’t really there to drink or party. I was there to push my comfort zone and learn how to interact with people. I’d go out and set goals for myself. I’d focus on different aspects of communicating,” he said.

Since he began attempting to master the art of communication with women, Pylarinos has tried just about everything, including memorizing pick-up lines from the internet and practicing them on unsuspecting strangers.

While he has admittedly met a lot of beautiful women during this time, Pylarinos’ social experiment hasn’t always been easy. Sometimes progress was slow, tedious and painful and he himself admits to probably being “the most rejected man in the world.” However, five years and thousands of women later, it appears Pylarinos’ hard work has paid off.

Today he has not only mastered the art of talking to any woman, anywhere, in any situation, he has also discovered his life’s purpose: to help other men overcome their relationship anxieties.
Beginning as a blog created to record his progress, Pylarinos’ business, Lifestyle Transformations, now helps men all over the world to stop being creepy or cowardly and learn how to relate to and date beautiful women.

“At first people asked me to take them out,” recalled Pylarinos. “They had been following my online journal, asking me questions and wanted to start learning how to do what I was doing. Before long I had my first client and Lifestyle Transformations was formed.”

Lifestyle Transformations now hosts three day bootcamps to help men improve their communication skills and learn the dos and don’ts of approaching women. Over the course of three days participants learn different techniques and approach over a hundred different women in clubs, stores and coffeeshops to test their developing skills.

And the secret behind his teaching? Regardless of what one might think, meeting women is not about money or even appearance, Pylarinos explained. It is about confidence.

“It has nothing to do with appearance, money, fame, status or any of that stuff,” said Pylarinos. “I’ve coached guys who are 18 to 50 or 60-years-old. When you get a guy calm and comfortable with himself and he learns how to communicate on that kind of level when he approaches a girl, you can actually see the attraction happen. Women become more attracted as men become more confident.”

While lack of confidence is a huge detriment to meeting women, Pylarinos also pointed out that there are many things men (and women) do wrong when trying to meet a potential romantic partner.

One of the most common mistakes men make is failing to let their intent be known, emphasized Pylarinos. For example, getting stuck as the friend to the person you really like is often the result of failing to state your intentions, he explained.

“Having that [romantic] intent right from the start, and letting it be known, prevents being labeled as the friend. Being honest and open about your feelings and not being apologetic about anything are ways a man can attract a woman. I think that a real man should let his intent be known and not hide it or apologize for it or suppress it,” he said.

Another mistake men make is taking value from women. Taking value involves approaching a woman with the intention of getting something from her, as opposed to adding something to her life. Instead of being go-getters, Pylarinos encourages his clients to become “go-givers” and focus on how to improve the lives of others.

“When you add value to people, people want to be around you, they want to hang out with you and be with you,” he said.

Most importantly, according to Pylarinos, every man must realize that talking to and meeting women is a skill, and like any other it must be practiced and learned. Self-belief and self-confidence goes a long way in meeting women and building communication skills.

“Getting rid of past disappointments and feelings of rejection and [instead] believing that people want to talk to you can change your entire world,” he said.

Whether you’re the nice guy, the guy who is always the friend, the shy guy or the guy who just can’t find the right person, Pylarinos is a firm believer that by practicing, trusting and risking rejection it is possible for anyone to find a partner or a hot date and talk to anyone, anywhere, at any time.

Stefan Pylarinos provides some advice for people whose new year’s resolutions include finally talking to that person they’ve been crushing on.

TOP THREE DON’TS

DON’T TAKE VALUE “Don’t approach people with a hidden agenda or focus on what you are going to get in return,” explained Pylarinos. “Thinking about how you are going to get their number, get them to go on a date with you or get in their pants is selfish and often impedes the courtship process.”

DON’T HIDE YOUR INTENT “Don’t hide your feelings, or let your fear or anxiety take you over. Man up and communicate your interest in that person you want to meet or are interested in.”

DON’T BE A CREEP Some compliments can be received as weird or creepy, he explained. “Avoiding the creep factor is about making the person feel comfortable. If I just came up to someone and said ‘you are really cute’ or ‘hey baby, what’s up?’, they might think ‘oh, okay, that’s weird,’ and probably wouldn’t talk to me again.”

TOP THREE DOs

DO ADD VALUE Think about how you can improve her day by talking to her. “Change your mentality from being a go-getter to a go-giver. What woman doesn’t want a guy to make her smile or make her feel better about herself?” asked Pylarinos.

“When you see someone you want to meet, think about how you can add value to their life. Think about how you can make her smile, or make her feel better about herself.”

DO STATE YOUR INTENT Let her know you are interested right away. Don’t hide your feelings.

DO USE A SOFTENER “Always make a person feel comfortable if you are going to approach them especially if you are approaching them in a random place, like a coffee shop,” he said.
“Use a softener. If I come up to you and you are sitting in a coffee shop I might say something like ‘this is weird’ or ‘people don’t usually do this in a coffee shop,’ because making a statement like this honours the reality of the situation and instantly puts you both at ease. You want to do everything in your power to make her feel comfortable.”

THE OBVIOUS Be authentic. “Do not rely on key phrases or lines, instead be confident in who you are and let your personality shine through,” said Pylarinos.
“If you can just be real and true and honest, women appreciate that a lot more than anything else.”

THE NOT-SO-OBVIOUS Be focused on being more rather than doing more.

“Most guys are focused on doing,” explained Pylarinos, “and they are concerned with thoughts such as what can I do to make this girl like me and what should I say?”

“Instead of focusing on what more I could do, I focus on how I could be a better person. How can I be more social or more charismatic, how can I have better communication skills? How can I become a better man or a more attractive guy?”

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