New year’s resolutions have a robust history of never working out. People make promises to themselves that are impossible to keep: to stop binge drinking, to no longer drunk text every person in your friend’s phone, to go to class at least three times per term, to call Mom. Changing habits to improve our lives is a nigh-impossible feat, but if you happen to be one of the brave few who set out on this treacherous journey to self-improvement, here are a few places to start.

For the Nice

For those major resolutions that will put you on the path to righteousness

Gym closest to campus

The BirdCoop. If you don’t know where the BirdCoop is yet, I’m tempted to cast some shame waves your way. However, since you’ve dedicated yourself to increased hotness, who am I to complain? Located between the SUB and the bus loop, the Coop’s facilities include a spin machine room and rock climbing cave. Student membership rings in at a glorious $25 per term. The lowered fees are courtesy of former AMS Pres Mike Duncan’s relentless pursuit of a hot and sweaty student body.

The Best New Year’s Deal

Gyms generally drop their membership rates in January to lure in the doughy 20–somethings looking for an escape from their couch-cushioned Joss Whedon spiral of misery. In Vancouver, Gold’s Gym has a $9.99 per week special, while Fitness Club has a $19.99 per month membership, with a two-week free pass thrown in to get you hooked. It’s not like the anorexic stars of Glee are going to make you feel better about your growing love handles, so if you can make it through the January crunch, then you should be home free. Not literally, of course. Membership rates go up after the low-hanging fruit (that’s you) has been harvested in the early weeks of the new year.

Smoking

The advice given seems to run on the fuel of something about gum, baggies of carrot sticks and support from your friends. Who says you need cigarettes when you’re drinking, or stressed, or walking from the bus stop to your house, or having a cup of coffee, or driving down the highway with the wind in your hair and Bruce Springsteen turned way up?  You can function without them. Carrots cost 79 cents per pound. In the first week, you’ll probably consume ten pounds of carrots in your quest to quell the oral fixation you’ve developed. Nicorette costs $16.99. A pack of Marlboro Reds costs $10.70. Good luck.

Eating right

This resolution is built on the triad of home-packed lunches, snackies and fresh veggies. There are produce stands at the Village, Sasamat, Macdonald and Cambie along the Broadway corridor, so you can pick up your bags of snap peas, mini mandarins and kombucha on your way to Human Geography. Sprouts also has a generous array of local munchies, but it should be noted that just because the brownies come from the health-nut hole in the wall, it doesn’t make them fat or sugar–free. A quarter pounder with cheese costs about $3 at McDonald’s, while you can get a quarter pound of almonds for 32 cents and a brick of extra firm tofu for $3.49. You can make up for the increase in your grocery bill by selling all those abused-animal leather goods you collected in your former life as a callous, carnivorous beast.

For the Naughty
Not all of us want to mend our ways—and some of us just want to know how to make our bad-boy images badder.

Cheapest booze

BC Liquor: Six-pack of Bowen Island Traditional Lager for $7.55
Darby’s: (4th and Macdonald): Six-pack of Bowen Island Lager for $9.95
Liberty Wine Merchants: (10th and Tolmie): Six-pack of Russel Pale Ale for $14.49

Contraceptives

You can pick up condoms almost anywhere, so there’s no excuse not to know the nearest location. From UBC to Alma, you can find love gloves for your little buddy in the SUB bathrooms, at Shoppers, Lucky Mart, Save-On-Foods, Safeway, Shell Gas, 7-11 and in your roommate’s sock drawer.